Thursday, November 4, 2010

Today at work

Favorite conversation:

EP: I just showed Leah my finger techniques!
MT: (glances at me) I think you're going to need to elaborate.

Also, at one point today a man said, "Oooh it's getting hot in here!" and took off his shirt for me. True story. Ask Ed.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010



You, how did you get so wise?
I take the advice I find in your eyes.
Me, I’ve been waiting outside
Most of my life,
Oh like a rare b-side.

I’m just making you mixtapes with homemade covers.
Analog to show we’re lovers,
And here under the jacket folds inside,
I’ve taped my heart for you to find.

To find the perfect way,
Which album to say,
I la la love you.
With this plastic cassette,
It’s not finished yet,
It’s gonna tell you slowly.

I’m just making you mixtapes with homemade covers.
Strings and drawings show we’re lovers,
When you’re driving around in the summertime,
To hear again, just press rewind.

Rewind, the world comes to an end,
Turns over again,
Another 1000 times.
But me, I’ll be the same.
No, I never change,
Oh, like a rare B-side.

I’ll be making you mixtapes with homemade covers.
Analog to show we’re lovers,
So much rock and roll love in a plastic case,
Play it loudly, see my face.
I’m just making you mixtapes with homemade covers,
Mazzy Star, Donovan’s Colors,
Just an audio love letter painted blue,
I spent all day making for you.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Shout Out to Elisa*

BP: Have you ever noticed how alike Leah and Anthony are?
AP: (to me) Did you hear that nice compliment Mom gave you?
ME: You just mispronounced "insult".*

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"You eat that steak..."

BG: He's, uh, really looking like an old man in this.
ME: You take that back; he's hot.
SP: (using sexy voice) That's how we like them...elderly.
BG: Like in a nursing home?
ME: Cut it out...
SP: (still sexy) Gary Oldman.
SP: ...and Bill Nighy...
ME: Ew.

*For the record we were talking about Jeffrey Dean Morgan in "The Losers".

See, yummy. Bob, don't be a hater. ;)


The night that innuendos came out to play...

SP: (using her "sexy" voice) Oooh yeah, you eat that...meat. (pause) Eat all the meat on your plate, yeah. (using her normal speaking voice) I'm trying to decide what meat is the meatiest.

SP: I'm gonna tap that and then I'm gonna tap that again...and then I'm gonna get out a tambourine and tap that...


I'm going to MAUI on Thursday!! Woohoo!! I'm so excited, can you tell?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Whitney says, "Try hard not to blink your eyes because a lovely tickle of a year and a half will slip between your fingers. "

You can say that again! My darling girl is coming back on Friday; can you say excited? ;)

Isn't she adorable?

Just in time for the summer! Aaaaaahhhh...we're gonna have lots of funsies!!

You'll see tons of pictures just like this!

I've missed you sweetie!! Can't wait to hear the stories!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk*

MT: That's some hair.
ME: Yeah...and makeup.
MT: Yeah.
ME: (pause) She looks like Tammi Faye Bakker.
MT: She does! That's the meanest thing you've ever said.
ME: I know.
MT: That's okay. (laughs) Just say a little prayer later; wipe it clean.

*Connection anyone?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Lake Serene

Beautiful, yes? My only regret - that the clouds obscured our view of Mt. Index. Oh, and this:

The last mile had me saying, "Damn, that's a lot of rocks" and "Oooooh those rocks are slippery" and also, "Death by impalement sounds painful" but mostly on the way down. I've discovered that I'm much more of a wimp hiking down, than up; mostly 'cause I'm so afraid of falling. Luckily, I only fell once (yay me!) and not hard.

The fabulous views more than made up for the twenty-three switchbacks (that Cher meticulously counted) and two thousand foot elevation gain. Here we are at the lake:

On the way back we decided to take the mile long detour to Bridal Veil Falls (totally worth it). See!

I would definitely recommend this hike. A little challenging at places (um, did I mention all those rocks?), but extremely rewarding. Overall, a fantastic Saturday!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

It's his parents fault, really

ME: That kid was really awkward...and creepy.
MT: Like a future serial killer?
ME: No, not that creepy; just weird. And he had one of those mustaches that hasn't quite grown in a lady mustache.
MT: (laughs)
ME: And he smelled.
MT: Uh oh...three strikes.
ME: He got three strikes with the lady mustache. Why do guys think that's okay?

ME: Guess what his name was...
MT: Mark.
ME: No. You have to look at me when I tell you...Cletus!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Baby Showers

(It should be noted that Bridgette is knitting a baby blanket.)

BB: When we went to pick up the yarn Sean suggested I buy handles and attach them to the blanket. Then he's like, you can get these buttons and attach the sides and carry the baby around.
SP: Why don't you just buy a duffel bag and carry it around in there. I used to put Hannah in a duffel bag and carry her around in that....she hated it.
ME: Can you clarify that she wasn't a baby at the time?
SP: She wasn't a baby; she was just really small.
BB: Clearly Sean was joking.
ME: Clearly? That wasn't too clear to me.

MB: What are you making?
BB: A blanket.
ME: She's making a really skinny scarf.
BB: (joking) I'm making a scarf to swaddle/mummify the baby.
ME: Then Sean can be in charge of transport.

*It has come to my attention that I misattributed a quote. It was actually Meredith who joked about the baby mummification. My bad. *

Friday, June 4, 2010

Two gold stars

MT: It's your favorite person.
ME: I hate that guy.
MT: Be careful or he's gonna try to set you up with his troglodytic half brother.
ME: (pauses) You deserve a high five for that one.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Talking points

MT: So...we might be getting t-shirts for the new Textbook Rental program...
ME: For us to wear?
MT: In theory...
ME: What if I get cold?
MT: Well, you'll just have to get a bigger size and wear a shirt underneath.
ME: That must be a joke, 'cause I'm not doing that.
MT: I think they say, "Rent Me".
ME: I'm not wearing that...
MT: Maybe they say, "Rent It"...
ME: You see how wearing a shirt that says "Rent Me" could cause problems, right?
MT: (laughs) C''ll be a nice talking point. (laughs again) Oh God, I hope it says "Rent It".

MT: Don't go out there.
ME: What?
MT: That strangely androgynous guy has been talking to Ruth for about twenty minutes.
ME: Oh...thanks for telling me!

(five minutes later...)

ME: Mark, that was a woman...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Found on my desk this morning...

Mark's Log

5/17/2010 - 5:35 pm - "Walkin' in Memphis" playing
on radio, must control urge to smash radio.

Friday, May 14, 2010

This actually happened...

CW: Are you on the faculty listserve?
ME: Yeah, I think, maybe I'm just on the classified listserve...
CW: The faculty one is much funnier. I'm bringing chocolate to the men who defended my breast's honor. True story.
ME: (what the hell?) Oh...hahaha...that's funny... (or is it?)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My bad, Sarah. My bad.

Me: Oh went out with him!
SP: What?! I didn't go out with him!! What are you talking about?? Don't you think we would have been talking about that for forever? Why would I have gone out with him? What are you talking about? Who are you confusing him with? No, seriously?! I would have stabbed him if I went out with him...he would have been talking, and then a fork would have been in his jugular! Then I would have been like, "Please stop talking!" Why would you ever have thought I went out with him??

(pauses while I laugh, silently)

Really? What are you talking about???

(another pause)

How could you have thought I went out with him?? What are you talking about???


What the hell???!!!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Have I mentioned my love of the guitar today??

A.A. Bondy - we love him.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Let's get serious, folks.

I ran across the image on a blog I follow, and it really spoke to me. As women we relate our self-image to what men think of us. I see it with my friends, I see it in myself, and it's very self-destructive. If you are made to feel inferior by someone, you have two options. 1) Tell them and see if they change (after all, maybe it's unintentional), or 2) Sever contact. Remaining "friends" with someone that treats you poorly, and makes you question who you are, is not healthy. It doesn't matter if you think this guy is "the one", or if you've invested time and energy into the situation. No one deserves to feel worthless.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dear Lurkers,

I see you. If you've enjoyed what you've read, please comment.

Thank you.


p.s. This does not apply to Meredith, Sarah, Elisa, Allen or Rachel. The rest of you know who you are.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Top Ten: The Band

1. King Harvest Will Surely Come
2. Rag Mama Rag
3. Don't Do It
4. Life is a Carnival
5. Up on Cripple Creek
6. It Makes No Difference
7. The Weight
8. The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
9. Ophelia
10.The Shape I'm In

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Work = Fun

CW: (hands me two medium sized plastic bags) Here's a toy for you.
ME: Yay!! If I get bored later I'll just stick my head inside one of those!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Should I take comfort in this??

CW: Unless he's a psychopath he shouldn't be surprised. If he is a psychopath you'll already be dead, so...
ME: Thanks Mark.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

For your edification

SP: Leah, he's so special!! And I mean that in the "short bus" kind of way. (pauses) Bless his heart.

Adding "Bless his/her heart" to the end of any negative statement lessens the insult. Thanks Elisa. ;)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

In times like these we need to find a way to make a better day keep my feet on the ground turning 'round come what may.

Mavis, I have high hopes for tonight! :)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Top Ten: Van Morrison

1. Caravan
2. And It Stoned Me
3. Domino
4. Irish Heartbeat
5. Tupelo Honey
6. Into The Mystic
7. Saint Dominic's Preview
8. Sweet Thing
9. These Dreams Of You
10.Cyprus Avenue

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Prove it, bitch!

Me: I don't think it's that funny.

SP: Um, anytime you put "bitch" after something it automatically makes it funny. Remember, "Make me a baby, bitch!"? Hilarious!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Top Ten: AC/DC

In no particular order.

1. Highway To Hell
2. T.N.T
3. For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)
4. Shoot To Thrill
5. Touch Too Much
6. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
7. If You Want Blood (You've Got It)
8. It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll)
9. Back In Black
10. Dog Eat Dog

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Emails exchanged...

Me: So I just threw up in my mouth...
SP: Yeah, I dry-heaved for about five minutes when I read that!

Conversation after searching "coconut M&M's" on google...

(For some bizarre reason, google search includes a picture of a naked man with a belly hanging to the ground. His eyes are blacked out.)

Me: (clicks on images) I wanna see a cross-section.
CW: Don't look down and to the right!!
Me: Too late!
CW: My eyes! (laughs) At least they covered his eyes so we wouldn't recognize him. (a few moments of silence) His belly was almost touching the ground. At least I think it was a man.
Me: I wasn't sure either, but I didn't want to look that closely!!
CW: I'm going to start exercising right now.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Food poisoning, yummy!

CW: I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd wanna eat week old salmon.
Me: Yeah.
CW: Especially if he keeps it in a cooler. (laughs) Isn't that what he said?
Me: He said "icebox" but I think he meant the fridge.
CW: Oh, (laughs). I was gonna say, don't think I'll be going to a barbecue at his house. At least not on a Friday.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Well shit...

Saw this guy last night:


Two words: Awe-some. That is all. Also, I'm going to see Mavis Staples next month and I am ridiculously excited! Oh Mavis, I adore you!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Let's get specific

Me: So, what are your thoughts on the other night?
CS: (sighs) Can I be completely honest?
Me: Oh God...What??
CS: I was so bored!! I mean the whole time.
Me: (laughs) That's not what I meant...
Me: Seriously, I think I just had a heart attack.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sweet, sweet Bridgette

BB: I feel like I need to make a special effort with church. Because of Sean and everything.
Me: So...your "special effort" for Sean is to attend all three hours of church?

(Hilarity ensues)

Monday, February 8, 2010

Outside I'm masquerading, inside my hope is fading

I've decided I'm definitely going to see him on Sunday. As long as there are tickets available. :)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Maybe you had to be there...

CW: How many packages of Nerds do we have left?
Me: Don't judge me!!
CW: Well that answers my question.

RS: I like your hair...and your glasses.
Me: Thank you.
RS: You look really young; I'm guessing, like, 23.
Me: I'm not 23.
RS: How old are you?
Me: 30.
RS: (looks flabbergasted) No way!! You look really're like a unicorn that never ages.

*Please note "RS" stands for random student.

CW: And this is why we keep the killing scissors in the drawer!! If they were handy I'd have them sticking out of my neck right now.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Taken out of context

Me: It's not stealing, per se. You're more of a scavenger.
CW: It's a gray area. It's like witnessing a crime; you see an accident and you don't stop. (pauses for ten seconds) And then you go back later and steal their wallet. (another pause) It's a gray area.

SP: Smell it.
Me: Okay.
SP: Gross, right? Now imagine it has radioactive properties.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"Personally I'd like to see a normal shaped lassie modeling them with a big bottom and a nice set of hooters."

My grand plan

See all remaining members of Led Zeppelin separately. Then I will imagine that this is the same as seeing the band live, as a whole. Is it the same: no, but I'm gonna try anyway.

Robert Plant - check

Next, see Them Crooked Vultures live. Shouldn't be too hard, right? (I've already been thwarted in this considering they came to Seattle before I was a fan and they'll be performing at Coachella on the only day I won't be attending, should I actually attend.)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Dear Self,

Now that we have finally reached the ripe old age of thirty, I think we may be digressing in our maturity. I understand that we have an image to maintain (intimidating and aloof, etc.) but this is ridiculous. How about this: let's begin to show true feelings, act normally and engage in conversation with people that matter to us. There's something to be said for showing some of your cards.

Stop screwing up!

Kind Regards,


Sunday, January 24, 2010


I wrote a blog. It was amazing; insightful, clever, witty and much, MUCH too pointed. Too bad none of you will ever read it.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Sunday - the good, the bad and the ugly

7:30 a.m. Realize that the new time change is increasing my inactivity. Bridgette's talk is the only thing getting me to church.

8:45 a.m. Conversation with Sarah

Leah: Let's leave right after Sacrament, no stopping to talk.
Sarah: Got it.
Leah: We could leave during the closing hymn?
Sarah: That's not awkward or anything; we wear high heels.
Leah: I'll take off my shoes!
Sarah: No.
Leah: Fine.

9:10 a.m. I guess guilt trips don't work on me. Huh.

9:15 a.m. Nope, still don't feel guilty.

9:20 a.m. - 10:05 a.m. Apparently I haven't changed much in the last twenty years. I'm still the same giggly girl who couldn't keep it together for mass.

I do nothing except relax/sleep for a few hours

4:30 p.m. Phone conversation with Cher

Leah: Did you get it?
Cher: It's totally cute.
Leah: It looks like underwear. But that's good 'cause I look good in underwear.
Cher: It does look like underwear. They should make more bikinis that are cut that way.
Leah: I know. Sarah thinks it looks like leather underwear.
Cher: You could probably find something cuter.

A few moments pass

Leah: I've decided to become a bad girl.
Cher: Uh oh. Why?
Leah: Because.
Cher: In what way?
Leah: In all ways.
Cher: Oh dear...
Leah: How should I start?

4:55 p.m. Abandon "bad girl" persona for two reasons; 1) Pure laziness - it's too much work, and 2) I decide to go to the fireside.


- Stay for the dinner AND the fireside. I'm so proud of myself at this point.
- Still have bad luck. Really? Really?
- Revisit the bad girl idea.
- Wonder how girls can be so manipulative and why boys can be so stupid?
- Am reminded (for the upteenth time) that good looks, brains and boobs matter very little to LDS men. Wonder (again) what does matter... besides mediocrity?
- Why do all single firesides have to harp on the "single" thing. Can we lay off already??

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Picture (s) of the night

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Next Concert Perhaps?

Showbox SoDo - 1/19

Saturday, January 2, 2010


As discussed with Sarah, Cher and Renae - 3:00 a.m 1/1/2010

Lower Expectations

Only one seems necessary.