Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Year’s Resolutions:

In no particular order…although I’m numbering them…I still do not have any order of importance…I just like to number things…

1. Pay attention to my surroundings and modify my tone when using suggestive phrases such as, “Lick and sniff porn”, “I moonlight as a lesbian” or “You are such a whore”.
2. Do not use ANY of these phrases at church, and especially not in the stairwell where it might be echo or be overheard.
3. Realize that just because something is funny inside my house (in the middle of the night, after we’ve all been snowed in for five days) does not necessarily make it funny in real life.
4. Stop caring about what other people think, and letting that influence my decisions.
5. Hold on to the positive and let go of the negative.
6. Try not to be so nervous or afraid, and just be myself!
7. Let go of my pride (Is it really worth it?)
8. Keep some of my pride (I’m not a complete idiot!)
9. No more jumping to conclusions or worrying needlessly.
10. Remember that my personal life is not for everyone’s ears.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Cabin Fever, Scrapbooking and Confusing Conversations…

This perplexing dialogue just occurred:

Amy: “Which color drawer would you put this paper in?”
Sarah: Repeating herself for the fifth time, “Cream.”
Amy: Exasperated, “There is no cream drawer.”
Sarah: “What are my color options?”
Amy: “Normal ones. ROYGBIV, black, white…”
Leah: “I’d like you to put that in the Indigo drawer.”
Amy: “ROYGBIV will now be spelled with a ‘Y’.”

Mutual laughter takes place, followed immediately by mutual confusion.

Sarah: “Amy, Amy, I think you should put that in the ye-purple drawer.”
Amy: Giggles, “Smart ass!”

Five minutes pass…

Leah: “Wait. ‘V’ stands for violet.”
Sarah: “Apparently we all think that Indigo is purple.”

Gay doorbell rings. Whitney walks through the door.

Whitney: “Hey,” as she quickly removes her skirt, “is Sean still here?”

Sarah: Holding sheet of paper up, “Whitney, I’m gonna buy some pinup cards!”
Amy: “Did anyone else notice she held that paper up upside down?”
Leah: Mockingly holding a dvd cover upside down, “Amy, Amy, would you categorize this as ye-blue, ye-purple or ye-bitch?”
Amy: “Definitely ye-bitch.”

Five minutes pass…

Leah: “Wait, Indigo is purple.”
Sarah and Whitney: Simultaneously, “INDIGO IS BLUE!”
Leah: “Oooooh. Haha. Right.”

Fifteen minutes later…

Whitney: Laughing maniacally, “Yurple!!!!!!!!!”

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

North Pole Revisited.

Dear Santa,

I don’t want to seem pushy or ungrateful, but, I still see some snow on the ground. I’m not expecting a miracle; I’d just like to get my car out of the driveway. No pressure!

I hope your day is going well!

Warm Wishes and Kind Regards,


Memo to Kris Kringle.

Dear Santa,

If you could please see fit to rid Seattle of this unpleasant white stuff (the piles of snow), I would greatly appreciate it!! I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all had our fun (sledding, snowman building, snow ball fighting, etc.), and now the “fun” needs to disappear. The snow was cool for about three, maybe four, seconds – but, now I’m done!! If I could have one Christmas wish, I would wish for blue skies and melted snow. I’d even settle for rain (that’s how desperate I’ve become)!!

Hugs and Kisses,


p.s. If I could have TWO Christmas wishes, you know what the other one would be.
p.p.s If you don’t know, email me!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland!

Day 4 of Forced Captivity:

Sarah, Whitney and I ventured out into the "blizzard" this afternoon to procure much needed provisions from QFC (i.e. Starbucks truffles, apples, lemonade, Cheez-its, milk and lettuce). On our journey we came upon several happy, playful puppy-dogs (unfortunately said owners were less than playful, and therefore we could not join in the fun), many children and sleds, and more than a few dumbasses out driving. I was decked out in proper snow garb (a puffy jacket and snow boots), borrowed from my beautiful roommate, and looked quite adorable if I do say so myself. Highlights included: falling on my ass in the snow, giving Sarah's snowman "the chop", being shown the last remaining cedar water pipe in Seattle and watching Whitney labor over her snow angel.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Stretchy Pants, Christmas Cheer and Knee-High Socks (Fur Trimmed Of Course :D)!

A few of my favorite things about the Jingle Bell Run (and our very productive action filled Sunday). More details and photos to follow!

-Our red and white striped knee-high socks.
-Getting Julie to wear said socks.
-Julie’s excitement over Christmas socks (as well as her green running tights and red sweatshirt).
-Our free loot! Bagles, ActivWater, Clif Bars and Muesli Bars (they’re from Australia, Whitney!).
-Sarah offering to show her boobs (at least five times) to get free stuff.
-Can-Cans down the escalator at Pacific Place.
-Getting Julie to Can-Can down the escalator.
-Getting Julie to pose for CRAZY pictures (why did we extend our legs over our heads?).
-Threatening to sexually harassing male employees at REI.
-Compliments regarding our outfits from REI employees (mostly male).
-Jumping up and down and yelling for Julie from across REI until she turned around and giggled and beckoned us over, while still wearing our running outfits.
-Over-using the phrase “sexually harass”.
-Waiting for two hours at Starbucks (okay, only twenty minutes but it felt like forever).
-My third ever trip to Walmart. If I lose my way in a small Walmart, I really shouldn’t go to a superstore.
-Shopping for sledding materials.
-Conversations with slow-witted Walmart employees:

Me: “Do you sell sleds?”
Walmart Employee: It only snows once a year; we don’t have much of a market for them.”

-Trying to explain the pros and cons of sled selling to Walmart Employees.
-Discussing the marketing of sled paraphernalia, the Pacific Northwest and the proximity of Walmart in relationship to a few mountains where sledding could occur.
-Driving to Snoqualmie to go sledding.
-Getting out of the car, realizing it was far too cold/windy to sled, and heading back to Seattle.
-Napping on the Institute sofas.

..and my number one FAVORITE thing about yesterday: Julie, although fully aware of my real age, registering me as a 23 year old for the Jingle Bell Run. Hahaha.

Friday, December 12, 2008


I’m having a very Bridget Jones kind of day. Only I’m less drunk and I have a better fashion sense. Bridget won in the end, right?

Of course that was after she got her heart stomped to little bits.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Humble Pie, Anyone?

A few posts ago I complained about LDS guys and their lack of appreciation for me/my boobs, etc. I praised the perception of non-member guys and their admiration of my assets (and brains :D). Last weekend I was dancing at Cowgirls Inc., when a very drunk man approached me. After about a minute of “conversation”, he grabbed my breasts. Interestingly enough, the next day a LDS guy I know gave me a very nice compliment (regarding my smarts). While I am not rescinding my former opinion, I will say that maybe I should be a little more patient and a little less judgmental.

I think I can hear Heavenly Father laughing.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Little Kid Things . . . Christmas Edition

1. What is your favorite Christmas song? Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas sung by Judy Garland and White Christmas as sung by Bing Crosby.
2. When was your most memorable Christmas? I don’t think I have a specific memorable moment.
3. What is your favorite Christmas treat? Lefse – a Norwegian potato pancake.
4. What do you dislike most about the Christmas season? Overplayed holiday music. I get very Scrooge-like when I start to hear all the awful Christmas music out there. A little goes a long way people!
5. What do you like best about the Christmas season? Wool coats and Christmas lights. Especially the lights downtown – so pretty!
6. Who is the hardest person to shop for on your Christmas list? I don’t know about the hardest, but the most appreciative person on my list is Hannah (my little sister). She once squealed in delight not knowing what the present actual was, “I love it, I love it…what is it?”
7. If you could receive one gift without money being an issue, what would it be? A trip around the world.
8. What is your idea of a perfect Christmas Eve? Dinner with the family, present exchange and a movie (most likely seasonal). And watching the puppy open his presents. Completely adorable!
9. Which do you like best, eggnog, or hot chocolate? Hot Chocolate. Although I do like the occasional glass of eggnog.
10. Do you prefer a fancy Christmas tree, or one decorated by the kids? I like a combination of the two. Fancy glass ornaments with a sprinkling of some childhood favorites (especially the old metal ones and the feathery birds).
11. What is your favorite family Christmas tradition? Christmas Eve Dinner and early presents (mostly because Hannah gets too excited).
12. Do you like fruitcake? No. Except for the Italian fruitcake Pannetone, but it has to be fresh.
13. Do you prefer skiing or snowboarding? Can’t say I’ve tried either.
14. Are you dreaming of a White Christmas, or do you say “Bah Humbug” to snow? As long as I don’t have to go anywhere I’ll be dreaming of a pretty White Christmas.
15. What was your favorite gift from Santa when you were a child? I don’t know what my favorite present was, but the best gift I ever gave (or my favorite present experience) was a copy of Strange Brew to my dad years ago. As he opened the package, he started talking about the movie for whatever reason. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he finished the unwrapping; priceless. My second favorite Christmas present opening experience was when Hannah received a telescope; she started crying.
16. What is your favorite Christmas movie? I know it’s not a Christmas movie (although it does have a Christmas section), but I love to watch Meet Me in St. Louis.
17. Have you ever eaten snow? Nope.
18. Who do you wish could be with you this Christmas? Hmmm..
19. When do you put up your Christmas lights and decorations? Early to mid-December.
20. Real or artificial Christmas tree? I love the scent of real trees but I hate all the needles.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Guys Like Me. No Really They Do!!

I pride myself on my intelligence, my smart (ass) mouth, my kindness, my fashion sense, my artistic sensibilities, my wit, my giving nature, my understanding, my patience and (dare I say it?) my fantastic set of breasts. I’m attached to my boobs (literally ;D); I’ve had them a long time. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be able to wear certain tops or that I might have to have things tailored to compensate for my large breasts and tiny waist. I like them. They have helped shape the person I’ve become. Seriously! When I was eleven (and twelve and thirteen and fourteen etc.) I would get embarrassed when adult men would stare at my breasts or make inappropriate remarks. My mom (and others) would let me know that someday I’d appreciate them. I’d roll my eyes (of course) and not believe her, but she was right! So, my question is: now that I appreciate when the hell am I gonna find a man who appreciates them too?!?!? A man that I respect who ALSO likes me as a person. Is that too much to ask?! Really?!? Non-LDS guys seem to like them (like me for that matter). Non-member men like my brain, my personality, my heart and my boobs. In the past month I’ve been called a sexpot, stunning, lovely, pretty and the list goes on. If I’m more than good enough for most men out there, why aren’t I good enough for you “decent” “wholesome” “priesthood holders”, hmmmm?! Why not?!?

While I’m on this subject, I might as well point out some things I like about men. Confidence. CONFIDENCE. And intelligence, kindness, a respectful attitude toward women, a sense of humor and a good heart. I’d also like it to be noted that I show remarkable restraint regarding smart ass remarks and criticism. I don’t say half of the bitchy things I feel because I try to be a nice person. That stops here! I will no longer hold back! What I will do, though, is point out all of YOUR (the collective “your”) teensy tinsy very, very, very small inadaquacies (and I’m sure it really is itsy bitsy).

p.s. I’ve seen you looking at my breasts. While I’m wearing a crew neck top. But you’re still not interested?!

p.p.s. I notice all those other looks too.

p.p.p.s. You’re still not interested?! Bullshit.