Dear Seattle,

So…um….like….what’s with the weather? 90 degrees and higher? Do you really think that’s appropriate? In case you have forgotten, this is what Seattle is supposed to look like:



Seem familiar? Now it’s not as if I don’t fully appreciate the sun and all it’s glory (I am a Seattle native after all) but Seattle is beginning to feel a little something like this:



Except without the cool camels and stuff. And more humidity (think desert but with umbrellas).



And I am starting to feel a lot like this lady:



You know, “I’m melting!” etc. Although I am in possession of considerably greater fashion sense. And better skin.

All I'm asking, Seattle, is that the weather tone down just a little bit. I love the sun (I do, really!), I'd just like a little less painful heat!

It's hot. It's HOT!!

My mom recently found an old dress I'd worn when I was fourteen or fifteen - greenish-blue, button-down (with metallic buttons!), knee length, etc. Oh, and of course some kick ass shoulder pads...yeah...hot!

I had to try it on (obviously) and Julie just had to take some pictures....Oh the hotness...

Putting In My Angry Eyes

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning; I’m irritable, grumpy, anxious and in a funk. Not sure why, really. I slept restfully…no bad dreams, etc. I feel like I’m in limbo right now (not a good feeling).

And I wanna buy a bikini. This one specifically:

Cute, yes?

And some more yoga clothes (mine are horribly outdated – and too big).

And I need another vacation.

And I need to stop complaining. ;D

I’m Not the Only One Who Thinks Darcy is a Tool

Last week I picked up the book Beowulf on the Beach, and I’ve really been enjoying it! It’s a light literary criticism (the diet coke of literary critique, if you will) of some of the “best” works of literature, from The Iliad to Lolita. I’m been reading it on my lunch break, and I have to say the commentary is quite funny. More than once I’ve closed the book and laughed out loud at some barb or another. Jack Murnighan (the esteemed author) creates a crib sheet for each work which includes the Buzz, the Best Line, Quirky Fact, What’s Sexy and What to Skip. Murnighan takes a variety of great works (you know the ones you hated in high school) and attempts to make them appeal to the masses. He (mostly) succeeds. My opinion? The reviews read more enjoyably if you have a passing knowledge of the texts.

A few of my favorite chapters (so far):

The Aeneid

Don Quixote

The History of Tom Jones, A Foundling – and his reference to Fielding’s other, less famous, novel Shamela: satire of Samuel Richardson’s Pamela.

Jane Eyre – I *love* Jane. Intelligent and compassionate, she rivals most of the Austen heroines (except for maybe Anne Elliot).

Moby Dick – Hannah (my little sixteen year old sister) read this last year and loved it. She kept trying to read passages to me that were (apparently) filled with mirth. I’m not going to lie; I didn’t quite see the hilarity. Murnighan (with his PhD in literature from Duke University) also saw the humor, and indicated that this book should be read by adults who can see and appreciate the wit that high school students usually miss.

Dearest Hannah,

I bow down to your superior intelligence.

Love,

Leah (your favorite sister)

p.s. Don’t get too full of yourself. I know that in between John Steinbeck and Graham Greene, you’re reading the Twilight series….

Bleak House – I love, love Dickens. Forget everything anyone has ever told you about him (or at the very least everything you decided as a twelfth grader). If you’re only exposure to Dickens is Oliver Twist, give David Copperfield, Great Expectations, or even The Pickwick Papers a go. And...I don’t want to give anything away, but someone dies by spontaneous combustion. Yes, that’s right. Don’t you want to read it now? :D

Madame Bovary – I’m infinitely glad someone else dislikes Emma as much as I do (p.s. Flaubert did as well).

What I Wished He’d Included:

Thomas Hardy – Possibly the most depressing novelist of all time. (If you doubt me, read Jude the Obscure. I promise you won’t soon forget that ending.) My friend, Annie, said it best: “Hardy had his place in history. He brought attention to the plight of the poor and downtrodden, but at this point he should be read in passages. In a history class.” My opinion? Dickens and Gaskell brought the plight of the downtrodden to the masses in a more compassionate and infinitely more readable way. I can’t even take Under the Greenwood Tree, which is a much lighter, romantic story. I was really hoping Murnighan could make Hardy palatable. Oh well.


*On a completely unrelated and entirely vapid note, I've been braiding my hair recently (it's finally long enough!) and I've been loving it!! Cute and low-maintenance. :)

Were You Raised In A Barn?? No, Seriously…Were You??

Impoliteness and rudeness seem to be running rampant these days. Sometimes I’m amazed how many nosey, ill-mannered, offensive people I meet on a daily basis. I am not without my faults (if you know me I’m sure you’ll agree); in fact I’ve been called a bitch on more than one occasion…on quite a few occasions actually. I’m vain, I have a quick temper (more often than not I say hurtful things that I regret), I’m antisocial (bet you didn’t know that, did you ;D), rigid, prudish (sometimes) and I’m kind of a liar (or am I). But I am not rude on a daily basis. I am very polite, patient and reasonably friendly, mind my p’s and q’s, etc. Why doesn’t everyone else??

Just a few of the insults (and general rudeness) I have been treated to of late:

A vendor at work, butting into my business and trying to set me up with some forty-four year old slob. When he found out I was Mormon, he called me an old maid. If I were an “old” maid, I would still decline any sort of set up. I’d be much too busy having fun and living my life. (This full story is so personal and despicable that I really, really can’t include the good stuff.)

Rude, unpleasant women. (Me: Maybe she was just in a bad mood. Sarah: Is she in a bad mood every time we see her??)

Oh, and the staring….bitch put your eyes back in your head, sit back in your chair, and stop the looking. We’re hardly in competition.

Being told that “it’s a good thing there isn’t a stigma for being single and thirty.” Um, I’m not thirty and yeah….

Acting like I’m invisible. In person and electronically. (Oops, am I wearing my invisibility cloak today?? My bad…)

Being told I have “mousy brown hair” (Excuse me but my hairstylist Andrea told me I had blonde hair: “There aren’t twelve shades of brown. That’s like saying she (motioning to Sarah) has black hair. This color (pointing to her dyed ash blonde locks) is not natural. Only albinos have this color hair.) Thank you, Andrea!

Weirdness, rudeness and games played by the opposite sex that are both juvenile and incomprehensible. (I’m sorry, am I meant to be jealous??)

Failing to give me all the information/giving me incorrect information and then telling me you gave me the right info and not apologizing.

Not apologizing in general.

Being treated like the hired help (if the hired help had the mental age of a particularly dumb six year old).

Being subjected to your drama (my life is less than perfect, but I’m making the best of it).

A student telling me that he always wants to eat beef jerky after he dissects a cat (okay, not rude but so creepy and weird I had to include it).

Highlights of the week (i.e. things that are getting me through):

My new IKEA furniture (yay!!)

My new blonde highlights (I love balyage and its natural look).

Jousting in Walmart, acting really silly until Julie finally says, “You girls are crazy.”

Changing the radio station (the “smooth jazz” station is just about the WORST radio station in Seattle).

Dancing on Thursday and Friday, hiking on Saturday, WWII plane air shows, sunny weather (again), sailboats and firemen. :D

Hacking into Julie’s facebook profile and changing her status to read, “Julie Zohner loves Leah and Sarah!!! They are her besties!!!” Hahaha…

Wednesday emails from Whitney.

Moving someone for the seventh time this year, all by ourselves (i.e. just us girls) while singing “Sisters are doing it for themselves”. That’s right.

Remembering that things could get worse. (I have a job. Yay!!!)

The Moody Blues

A few weeks ago, I overheard a conversation that disturbed me greatly. A guy I know (not a friend and barely an acquaintance) informed a group of BYU interns (all women) that he could not understand why women were so emotional. His “logic” could not make heads nor tails of the “unbridled emotion” that women seem to display (another “point” he made was that the act of getting upset and showing one’s emotions was the direct result of never learning how to control them). This conversation (read: lecture) lasted roughly fifteen minutes, and the women he spoke to never stood up for their gender. Not once; unless you count, “Well, sometimes I cry and I don’t know why I’m upset.” Yeah. Thanks ladies. I so wanted to add my two cents with a skillfully worded scathing retort, but I didn’t. Mainly because that would have “proved his point”.

I have a few things to say on this subject (or rather to this dude):

1) First of all, women have different hormones than men. Did you know that boys? Those emotions that seem to be so despised by the opposite sex provide us with a sense of compassion, motherly instincts, the ability to bear children…etc. These “feelings” that we have are a part of us, and should be appreciated. (Never mind that a lot of men I’ve known were moodier than a teenage girl on her period.)

2) Boys who are raised in an lds community (with little interaction to the outside world) should be very careful when spouting off shit like that in front of other people. There are some women out there who aren’t going to take it.

3) In case you were wondering, this is why you don’t have a girlfriend.

4) I am a fairly logical woman (and that’s not an oxymoron) but I display my emotions, and you know what? I’m proud of them. I’m proud to be a human, not a robot.

5) You know those guys who walk around saying, “Every woman I’ve ever dated was completely insane”? That’s impossible, right? (Maybe they should stop frequenting the psych ward for all their dates.) It is infinitely more plausible that the majority of these women were pushed too far to the edge by some guy (specifically you). People can only take so much; sometimes women get tired of saying everything is fine when it’s not, and they get angry. Oops! Sorry for being a human being!

6) Someday you and I will have words, and on that day I’ll show you what unbridled emotion really looks like.

Loves!

I Prefer "F You"

Dear Lily Allen,

You're song "22" might actually be killing me.

Yours,

Leah

22

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Wherever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend
She gets one-night stands
She's thinking how did I get here
I'm doing all that I can

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age