Watch Your Back or You Might Find A Knife In It

I’m a nice person. I am not bragging; really, I’m not!! I am constantly telling Sarah that I am just as mean as her, but that’s probably not true. Or rather, I’m mean in an entirely different way. Sarah usually likes everyone…until you do something or say something that offends her, and then you are on her shit list for life. My tip to you: don’t get on Sarah’s shit list. Because faster than you can say, “Holy shit, where did that knife come from?” she’ll have it lodged between your shoulder blades.

Most reading this have probably never seen me really angry. Even if you think you have; trust me, you haven’t. I have a quick, vicious temper, but ferocious Leah does not come out to play very often. Why, you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you (or, I’ll tell you what Sarah and I have decided): I don’t care enough about most people to get mad. That’s right. Sarah has this big trusting heart, and she only fights back when you’ve hurt her. Me? I generally think so poorly of everyone, that it frankly doesn’t matter to me what you say or do. You matter that little to me. I’m very much like my Sicilian father: either I like you, or I want to kill you. If you fly under my radar you’re lucky.
There are, however, a few exceptions to this rule.

• I get mad at those I care about.

• I am furious at people who offend/insult/hurt people I care about.

• You are a repulsive human being, and I feel compelled to inform you of this fact.

The moral of this story?

1. Don’t piss Sarah off because she’ll flip a lid. Don’t make Sarah cry, or I’ll go Medea on your ass. (If you don’t get the Medea reference, we can’t be friends.) I won’t bother to stab you in the back. I’ll look you right in the eyes when I thrust that knife in.

2. If I get mad at you (and I like you), chances are good that I’ll forgive you. Even if you were in the wrong (because you probably were).

3. You know what they say about Sicilian girls, right? (Text removed due to copyright issues.)