Talking points

MT: So...we might be getting t-shirts for the new Textbook Rental program...
ME: For us to wear?
MT: In theory...
ME: What if I get cold?
MT: Well, you'll just have to get a bigger size and wear a shirt underneath.
ME: That must be a joke, 'cause I'm not doing that.
MT: I think they say, "Rent Me".
ME: I'm not wearing that...
MT: Maybe they say, "Rent It"...
ME: You see how wearing a shirt that says "Rent Me" could cause problems, right?
MT: (laughs) C'mon...it'll be a nice talking point. (laughs again) Oh God, I hope it says "Rent It".

MT: Don't go out there.
ME: What?
MT: That strangely androgynous guy has been talking to Ruth for about twenty minutes.
ME: Oh...thanks for telling me!

(five minutes later...)

ME: Mark, that was a woman...
MT: STRANGELY ANDROGYNOUS!!! See??

Found on my desk this morning...

Mark's Log

5/17/2010 - 5:35 pm - "Walkin' in Memphis" playing
on radio, must control urge to smash radio.

This actually happened...

CW: Are you on the faculty listserve?
ME: Yeah, I think so...no, maybe I'm just on the classified listserve...
CW: The faculty one is much funnier. I'm bringing chocolate to the men who defended my breast's honor. True story.
ME: (what the hell?) Oh...hahaha...that's funny... (or is it?)

My bad, Sarah. My bad.

Me: Oh right...you went out with him!
SP: What?! I didn't go out with him!! What are you talking about?? Don't you think we would have been talking about that for forever? Why would I have gone out with him? What are you talking about? Who are you confusing him with? No, seriously?! I would have stabbed him if I went out with him...he would have been talking, and then a fork would have been in his jugular! Then I would have been like, "Please stop talking!" Why would you ever have thought I went out with him??

(pauses while I laugh, silently)

Really? What are you talking about???

(another pause)

How could you have thought I went out with him?? What are you talking about???

(pause)

What the hell???!!!