The CAPRICORN Woman

I found this recently and it amused me greatly. I've never followed astrology that closely (and almost never enjoyed anything said about my sign) but I came across this one night. I was bored, okay? Some of this is eerily close... Which sections, you may ask? Oh, I'll leave that for you to figure out. ;) And yes, I know it's a little long.

There's no such think as a typical Capricorn female. She can be a museum curator who wears granny glasses for real, or she can be a dancer who wears a glittering G-string for fun. You'll see her crisply running a suburban P.T.A., frying hamburgers in a coffee shop, or organizing the biggest Charity Ball in the city. A Capricorn woman may decorate the society columns, smile demurely behind a political candidate husband or pour mysterious liquids in­to test tubes. But whatever she's doing and whatever she's wearing, Saturn will rule her actions and her secret aims.

She can be ultra-feminine, flirtatious and charming enough to make a man feel like a giant grizzly bear who can protect her from the cold, cruel world. Or she can be icy, quiet and aloof, sitting securely on her marble pedestal and challenging you to be clever enough to win her superior hand. Whichever personality she projects, underneath her womanly wiles or her practical, sensible manner, she has the same goal-a steely determination to snag the right man, who can become important, make her proud and be a good father to her children.

There's nothing flashy about the Capricorn female. You'll certainly never see her loudly or obviously pushing and shoving for first place; you may even think she's docile enough to contentedly take a back seat to her competition.Wait. See who gets the promotion.

Don't be misled into thinking she'll never sacrifice her career for marriage. Just give this girl half a chance to be a social leader and the mistress of a well-run household, and you'll see how quickly she loses interest in her job (one of the few things she'll do quickly). If you need her to, the Capricorn woman will gladly continue working to help you climb up the mountain of success-she won't be lazy. Otherwise, however, she's happier enjoying her position as your wife, provided the position is a good one, and there's enough financial security.

One of the most typical and delightful things about this woman is her natural breeding and grace of manner. You can meet a Capricorn girl who was raised in a one-room shack across the railroad -tracks, or whose father works the swing shift in a coal mine, but unless she decides to reveal her background (which she probably won't), you'll be convinced she comes from an old-line family, and was turned out by one of the best finishing schools. Such is the Capricorn built-in sense of social grace and conservative, conventional appearances.

Any man who's involved in a relationship with the female goat should learn a basic fact about this Sun sign. She seems to be more even-tempered and emotionally steady than she actually is. Her manner may convince you that she's as firm as a rock and nothing can ruffle her calm surface. The truth is that she's subject to many moods. All women are subject to moods, you say, but the Capricorn girl can have some really black and long-lasting ones. If she feels mistreated or unappreciated, she'll brood for days, weeks, even months. She calls it being sensible or practical, but Saturnine gloominess, pessimism and depression are much more deeply rooted than that. They're triggered by fear of the future, worry about the present, shame over the past-or a suspicion that she's being made fun of or is inadequate in some way. These women do not accept teasing lightly. Keep it at a minimum. To be honest, they find it impossible to see the joke when they're the victims. You don't have to bury her in compliments constantly (she'll sense when they're insincere, anyway), but don't kid her about important matters, and praise her often enough to make her realize you know her true value.

She'll probably be something of a social butterfly, ex­tremely aware of etiquette, and she'll lean toward quaint customs like engraved napkin rings and needlepoint chairs. Things must be correct and tradition must be observed at all costs. She may have an inconsistent habit of wanting to shop in the most expensive, exclusive stores, yet insisting on a bargain. She doesn't mind buying a dress that's on sale, as long as it bears the right label.

Capricorn women have a fresh beauty of their own. You'll rarely find one who's not unusually attractive. Yet they are timid and unsure about their appearance, and you may find them needing constant reassurance that they're pretty. Although Capricorn females hate dishonesty in all forms, they're not above lying about their ages. They usually get away with it, too, thanks to the odd Saturn aging twist. They look like little old ladies as children, and then bloom suddenly into women who look like young girls when they're past the prime of life.

It would be a terrible mistake to snub her family. The man who marries a Capricorn girl marries her relatives. There's no point in thinking that yours is different. She's not. Somewhere along the line, you'll stop laughing at mother-in-law jokes (you may cry instead). Many times, the Saturn female is the sole support of her family, financially or morally or both. She may care for an ill parent with devotion to the point of relinquishing the idea of marriage completely. Often, she'll enjoy the sacrifice because of her honest love for her family, but even if she re­sents it, her strong sense of responsibility and duty will not permit her to escape.

You might as well resign yourself to flattering your mother-in-law, and hope she's a great gal who's worth it. Don't argue politics with her father, and if you must criticize her brothers and sisters, see that the criticism is constructive, and based on a sincere belief in their po­tentialities. Frequently, Capricorns find themselves bur­dened with distressed or invalid relatives, and the typical goats will never let love, however consuming it might be, cause them to neglect such obligations. You'd better start right out by planning to have a guest room or two for visiting relatives. But there's a reverse benefit. You'll have a wife who is kind and considerate toward your own fam­ily. The Capricorn girl will understand if you have to allo­cate a fixed sum to your parents each week, and she'll probably be a companion to your brothers and sisters. She's the kind of girl you take home to meet mother, and mother approves of her immediately. Since men are so contrary, such instant encouragement can cause them to back away. It's always more fun to fight objections for your lady fair. But you'll only be slicing off your nose to spite your heart, because your mother is right. The Capricorn girl, if she's a typical Saturn woman, will make an excellent wife. The home of a Capricorn woman often looks so effortlessly spotless and smooth-running you'd think there were little fairies and elves hiding in the comers, working away furiously after midnight to shine and polish and cook and clean.

Most Capricorns save their rainbow thinking for history and heroic deeds of the past. Since she worships tradition, and reveres those who have overcome obstacles to gain success, it's easier for her to get sentimental over the Gettysburg address than to get enthusiastic over your latest wild scheme. Actually, she's a true romantic, with greater imagination than the scatterbrains with unreal fantasies. Every January girl has haunting poetry in her soul, but she doesn't have much sympathy for poets who starve in attics. Take care of the food and rent and then pursue the dream, whatever it may be, is the Capricorn motto. Also make sure that the dream is worth pursuing. She sees nothing glamorous or magical about failure.

Patiently help your Capricorn woman overcome her lack of personal confidence. She's not unimaginative just be­cause she doesn't court delusion. Try on a couple of her practical dreams for size, and you'll find they're surprisingly comfortable. Stubbornness may be one of her vices, but she's not a whiner or a nervous nag. She'll push you toward success, yet be tender and devoted. In spite of her modest, often gentle ways, she'll know just how to twist you around her little finger. There's a deep richness in her love that's more lasting than the brittle, scorching, demanding love of other women. Who says she doesn't believe in fairy tales? Only a wise Capricorn maiden could look deep into the eyes of an awkward frog and see that he's really a prince in disguise. Not only that-if you marry her, you’ll never run out of clean socks.