Guys Like Me. No Really They Do!!

I pride myself on my intelligence, my smart (ass) mouth, my kindness, my fashion sense, my artistic sensibilities, my wit, my giving nature, my understanding, my patience and (dare I say it?) my fantastic set of breasts. I’m attached to my boobs (literally ;D); I’ve had them a long time. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be able to wear certain tops or that I might have to have things tailored to compensate for my large breasts and tiny waist. I like them. They have helped shape the person I’ve become. Seriously! When I was eleven (and twelve and thirteen and fourteen etc.) I would get embarrassed when adult men would stare at my breasts or make inappropriate remarks. My mom (and others) would let me know that someday I’d appreciate them. I’d roll my eyes (of course) and not believe her, but she was right! So, my question is: now that I appreciate when the hell am I gonna find a man who appreciates them too?!?!? A man that I respect who ALSO likes me as a person. Is that too much to ask?! Really?!? Non-LDS guys seem to like them (like me for that matter). Non-member men like my brain, my personality, my heart and my boobs. In the past month I’ve been called a sexpot, stunning, lovely, pretty and the list goes on. If I’m more than good enough for most men out there, why aren’t I good enough for you “decent” “wholesome” “priesthood holders”, hmmmm?! Why not?!?

While I’m on this subject, I might as well point out some things I like about men. Confidence. CONFIDENCE. And intelligence, kindness, a respectful attitude toward women, a sense of humor and a good heart. I’d also like it to be noted that I show remarkable restraint regarding smart ass remarks and criticism. I don’t say half of the bitchy things I feel because I try to be a nice person. That stops here! I will no longer hold back! What I will do, though, is point out all of YOUR (the collective “your”) teensy tinsy very, very, very small inadaquacies (and I’m sure it really is itsy bitsy).

p.s. I’ve seen you looking at my breasts. While I’m wearing a crew neck top. But you’re still not interested?!

p.p.s. I notice all those other looks too.

p.p.p.s. You’re still not interested?! Bullshit.

"Daniel, Crazy Straw or Regular Straw?"

In honor of the new Bond film, Quantum of Solace, here's a Catherine Tate sketch with the hunky Daniel Craig. Enjoy!

Rainbow Connection

I have officially sounded like Kermit for one week. Seriously? I'm done with this cold!! I've never been without my voice this long. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever return. No matter what anyone says, it is NOT a sexy voice.

I’d Settle for a Handshake.. and the City..

I love Sex and the City. Snappy dialogue, hot sex, beautiful clothes . . . you can’t go wrong with that, right? When the movie was released (and plagued with some terrible reviews) I happily shelled out ten bucks to see it. And I remained in love. I even loved the progression away from sex to family and love. Yes, I love the show even with less sex! ;) Until last night. It’s possible (probable really) that my deteriorating attitude over the last few weeks altered my perception of the film. It’s possible (probable really) that I could watch it tomorrow and enjoy it just as much as the first time.

Problem Number One:

Yes Carrie and Big belong together. Yes they’re each other’s one true love. Blah blah blah. Maybe it’s because their happily ever after is what I crave with my not so (Mr.) Big. Maybe my personal life is intruding too forcefully on my relaxation time. Whatever the case may be, the romance really rubbed me the wrong way.

Problem Number Two:

Girlfriends are so hard to come by these days. At least ones of the Sex and the City caliber. Sticking together-ness and not fighting over men? Can such friendships actually exist? I have my doubts. Experience has taught me that women who play the game are dangerous. Especially to those of us who never bothered to learn the rules.

To Whom It May Concern:

If any man reading this blog has any romantic interest in me (however remote), never say to me “ya know books and t.v. are pretty much the same thing”. Never. Not even if you believe this statement. Please. Unless you crave my revulsion.

Rock N’ Rolla

*Please note: this blog is intended for entertainment purposes only*

Dear Gerard Butler,

It almost goes without saying that I enjoy dark, muscled men of the Scottish persuasion (who doesn’t?). I have faithfully followed your ascent to fame (I’ve seen both Dracula 2000 and Attila). I’ve been favorably impressed (The Jury and Dear Frankie) and more than a little embarrassed (again Dracula 2000 and Attila), but nothing could prepare me for the acid induced nightmare that was Nim’s Island. I mocked the disgusting P.S. I Love You (I can’t help but think Hilary Swank looks like a man) and the waxed chest and bizarre facial of 300. I’m not saying I want my money back (a rebate is not necessary, really) I just want you to make a film of which I can be proud. I understand that this may not be possible (I’ve also seen Timeline); but, can you at least make a movie in which you are the hottest man? The American playing the Irishman in P.S. I Love You was really hot!! And his terrible accent was better than yours!! Recently I have been tempted to transfer my attentions to Christian Bale, Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, Michael Fassbender, Dougray Scott, Kevin McKidd, James McAvoy and even that American in P.S. I Love You. Half the men on that list aren’t even Scottish and one is American. American!! You know I’m a strict British Isles kind of gal (with Australia and New Zealand thrown in for good measure). I have high hopes for your newest film, Rock N’ Rolla. I mean how can you go wrong with Guy Ritchie at the helm (don’t worry; I’ve repressed that movie he made starring Madonna)? You have a normal amount of facial hair, your Scottish brogue and I’m hoping (crosses fingers) for a non-shaven chest. I’m not trying to pressure you (I’ll always be your best girl) but, that new James Bond movie is released this month. Think about it.

Yours with affection (for now),

Leah

P.S. Don’t even get me started on Beowulf & Grendel.

I <3 Joel McHale!!

Is anyone else disturbed by all of the teenage dramas and reality shows?!