It's his parents fault, really

ME: That kid was really awkward...and creepy.
MT: Like a future serial killer?
ME: No, not that creepy; just weird. And he had one of those mustaches that hasn't quite grown in yet...like a lady mustache.
MT: (laughs)
ME: And he smelled.
MT: Uh oh...three strikes.
ME: He got three strikes with the lady mustache. Why do guys think that's okay?


ME: Guess what his name was...
MT: Mark.
ME: No. You have to look at me when I tell you...Cletus!

Baby Showers

(It should be noted that Bridgette is knitting a baby blanket.)

BB: When we went to pick up the yarn Sean suggested I buy handles and attach them to the blanket. Then he's like, you can get these buttons and attach the sides and carry the baby around.
SP: Why don't you just buy a duffel bag and carry it around in there. I used to put Hannah in a duffel bag and carry her around in that....she hated it.
ME: Can you clarify that she wasn't a baby at the time?
SP: She wasn't a baby; she was just really small.
BB: Clearly Sean was joking.
ME: Clearly? That wasn't too clear to me.

MB: What are you making?
BB: A blanket.
ME: She's making a really skinny scarf.
BB: (joking) I'm making a scarf to swaddle/mummify the baby.
ME: Then Sean can be in charge of transport.

*It has come to my attention that I misattributed a quote. It was actually Meredith who joked about the baby mummification. My bad. *

Two gold stars

MT: It's your favorite person.
ME: I hate that guy.
MT: Be careful or he's gonna try to set you up with someone...like his troglodytic half brother.
ME: (pauses) You deserve a high five for that one.