Rock N’ Rolla

*Please note: this blog is intended for entertainment purposes only*

Dear Gerard Butler,

It almost goes without saying that I enjoy dark, muscled men of the Scottish persuasion (who doesn’t?). I have faithfully followed your ascent to fame (I’ve seen both Dracula 2000 and Attila). I’ve been favorably impressed (The Jury and Dear Frankie) and more than a little embarrassed (again Dracula 2000 and Attila), but nothing could prepare me for the acid induced nightmare that was Nim’s Island. I mocked the disgusting P.S. I Love You (I can’t help but think Hilary Swank looks like a man) and the waxed chest and bizarre facial of 300. I’m not saying I want my money back (a rebate is not necessary, really) I just want you to make a film of which I can be proud. I understand that this may not be possible (I’ve also seen Timeline); but, can you at least make a movie in which you are the hottest man? The American playing the Irishman in P.S. I Love You was really hot!! And his terrible accent was better than yours!! Recently I have been tempted to transfer my attentions to Christian Bale, Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, Michael Fassbender, Dougray Scott, Kevin McKidd, James McAvoy and even that American in P.S. I Love You. Half the men on that list aren’t even Scottish and one is American. American!! You know I’m a strict British Isles kind of gal (with Australia and New Zealand thrown in for good measure). I have high hopes for your newest film, Rock N’ Rolla. I mean how can you go wrong with Guy Ritchie at the helm (don’t worry; I’ve repressed that movie he made starring Madonna)? You have a normal amount of facial hair, your Scottish brogue and I’m hoping (crosses fingers) for a non-shaven chest. I’m not trying to pressure you (I’ll always be your best girl) but, that new James Bond movie is released this month. Think about it.

Yours with affection (for now),

Leah

P.S. Don’t even get me started on Beowulf & Grendel.