The Blog Remains the Same

Reality Bites

2011-06-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

So, I've really been on a nostalgic nineties kick recently. It began (more or less) when I heard a long forgotten Veruca Salt song on the radio. Then we had Twin Peaks, and just last night I saw Reality Bites for the first time in roughly fifteen years (let's pause for a moment here...this movie came out SEVENTEEN YEARS ago...okay, continue). It was not as good as I remembered (ie middling), but it did have a few redeeming moments.

1) Janeane Garofalo. I know, I know, she's caustic and annoying but I've always had a little soft spot for her. Probably because she's sarcastic, bitchy and unapologetically opinionated. Gotta respect that.

2) The terrible nineties fashions! Winona Ryder wears a dress that "looks like a doily". Without a bra. I'm so pleased I am an adult in 2011, instead of 1994.

3) This scene.

4) Low key Steve Zahn. He's adorable in this as the in the "still in the closet" gay friend. What happened to him?

On another note...I had a crush on Ethan Hawke after I saw this movie. After I saw THIS movie. In case you don't remember, he's kind of a prick to Winona Ryder...and greasy...and gross. In my defense I was only fourteen when this came out.

Today at work

2010-11-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

Favorite conversation:

EP: I just showed Leah my finger techniques!
MT: (glances at me) I think you're going to need to elaborate.

Also, at one point today a man said, "Oooh it's getting hot in here!" and took off his shirt for me. True story. Ask Ed.

LOVE

2010-09-28T02:03:00.000-07:00

MIXTAPE

You, how did you get so wise?
I take the advice I find in your eyes.
Me, I’ve been waiting outside
Most of my life,
Oh like a rare b-side.

I’m just making you mixtapes with homemade covers.
Analog to show we’re lovers,
And here under the jacket folds inside,
I’ve taped my heart for you to find.

To find the perfect way,
Which album to say,
I la la love you.
With this plastic cassette,
It’s not finished yet,
It’s gonna tell you slowly.

I’m just making you mixtapes with homemade covers.
Strings and drawings show we’re lovers,
When you’re driving around in the summertime,
To hear again, just press rewind.

Rewind, the world comes to an end,
Turns over again,
Another 1000 times.
But me, I’ll be the same.
No, I never change,
Oh, like a rare B-side.

I’ll be making you mixtapes with homemade covers.
Analog to show we’re lovers,
So much rock and roll love in a plastic case,
Play it loudly, see my face.
I’m just making you mixtapes with homemade covers,
Mazzy Star, Donovan’s Colors,
Just an audio love letter painted blue,
I spent all day making for you.

Shout Out to Elisa*

2010-09-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

BP: Have you ever noticed how alike Leah and Anthony are?
AP: (to me) Did you hear that nice compliment Mom gave you?
ME: You just mispronounced "insult".*

"You eat that steak..."

2010-09-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

BG: He's, uh, really looking like an old man in this.
ME: You take that back; he's hot.
SP: (using sexy voice) That's how we like them...elderly.
BG: Like in a nursing home?
ME: Cut it out...
SP: (still sexy) Yes...like Gary Oldman.
SP: ...and Bill Nighy...
ME: Ew.

*For the record we were talking about Jeffrey Dean Morgan in "The Losers".

See, yummy. Bob, don't be a hater. ;)

Hodgepodge

2010-09-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

The night that innuendos came out to play...

SP: (using her "sexy" voice) Oooh yeah, you eat that...meat. (pause) Eat all the meat on your plate, yeah. (using her normal speaking voice) I'm trying to decide what meat is the meatiest.

SP: I'm gonna tap that and then I'm gonna tap that again...and then I'm gonna get out a tambourine and tap that...

Also...

I'm going to MAUI on Thursday!! Woohoo!! I'm so excited, can you tell?

Whitney says, "Try hard not to blink your eyes because a lovely tickle of a year and a half will slip between your fingers. "

2010-07-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

You can say that again! My darling girl is coming back on Friday; can you say excited? ;)

Isn't she adorable?

Just in time for the summer! Aaaaaahhhh...we're gonna have lots of funsies!!

You'll see tons of pictures just like this!

I've missed you sweetie!! Can't wait to hear the stories!!

Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk*

2010-07-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

MT: That's some hair.
ME: Yeah...and makeup.
MT: Yeah.
ME: (pause) She looks like Tammi Faye Bakker.
MT: She does! That's the meanest thing you've ever said.
ME: I know.
MT: That's okay. (laughs) Just say a little prayer later; wipe it clean.

*Connection anyone?

Lake Serene

2010-07-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

Beautiful, yes? My only regret - that the clouds obscured our view of Mt. Index. Oh, and this:

The last mile had me saying, "Damn, that's a lot of rocks" and "Oooooh those rocks are slippery" and also, "Death by impalement sounds painful" but mostly on the way down. I've discovered that I'm much more of a wimp hiking down, than up; mostly 'cause I'm so afraid of falling. Luckily, I only fell once (yay me!) and not hard.

The fabulous views more than made up for the twenty-three switchbacks (that Cher meticulously counted) and two thousand foot elevation gain. Here we are at the lake:

On the way back we decided to take the mile long detour to Bridal Veil Falls (totally worth it). See!

I would definitely recommend this hike. A little challenging at places (um, did I mention all those rocks?), but extremely rewarding. Overall, a fantastic Saturday!

It's his parents fault, really

2010-06-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

ME: That kid was really awkward...and creepy.
MT: Like a future serial killer?
ME: No, not that creepy; just weird. And he had one of those mustaches that hasn't quite grown in yet...like a lady mustache.
MT: (laughs)
ME: And he smelled.
MT: Uh oh...three strikes.
ME: He got three strikes with the lady mustache. Why do guys think that's okay?

ME: Guess what his name was...
MT: Mark.
ME: No. You have to look at me when I tell you...Cletus!

Baby Showers

2010-06-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

(It should be noted that Bridgette is knitting a baby blanket.)

BB: When we went to pick up the yarn Sean suggested I buy handles and attach them to the blanket. Then he's like, you can get these buttons and attach the sides and carry the baby around.
SP: Why don't you just buy a duffel bag and carry it around in there. I used to put Hannah in a duffel bag and carry her around in that....she hated it.
ME: Can you clarify that she wasn't a baby at the time?
SP: She wasn't a baby; she was just really small.
BB: Clearly Sean was joking.
ME: Clearly? That wasn't too clear to me.

MB: What are you making?
BB: A blanket.
ME: She's making a really skinny scarf.
BB: (joking) I'm making a scarf to swaddle/mummify the baby.
ME: Then Sean can be in charge of transport.

*It has come to my attention that I misattributed a quote. It was actually Meredith who joked about the baby mummification. My bad. *

Two gold stars

2010-06-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

MT: It's your favorite person.
ME: I hate that guy.
MT: Be careful or he's gonna try to set you up with someone...like his troglodytic half brother.
ME: (pauses) You deserve a high five for that one.

Talking points

2010-05-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

MT: So...we might be getting t-shirts for the new Textbook Rental program...
ME: For us to wear?
MT: In theory...
ME: What if I get cold?
MT: Well, you'll just have to get a bigger size and wear a shirt underneath.
ME: That must be a joke, 'cause I'm not doing that.
MT: I think they say, "Rent Me".
ME: I'm not wearing that...
MT: Maybe they say, "Rent It"...
ME: You see how wearing a shirt that says "Rent Me" could cause problems, right?
MT: (laughs) C'mon...it'll be a nice talking point. (laughs again) Oh God, I hope it says "Rent It".

MT: Don't go out there.
ME: What?
MT: That strangely androgynous guy has been talking to Ruth for about twenty minutes.
ME: Oh...thanks for telling me!

(five minutes later...)

ME: Mark, that was a woman...
MT: STRANGELY ANDROGYNOUS!!! See??

Found on my desk this morning...

2010-05-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

Mark's Log

5/17/2010 - 5:35 pm - "Walkin' in Memphis" playing
on radio, must control urge to smash radio.

This actually happened...

2010-05-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

CW: Are you on the faculty listserve?
ME: Yeah, I think so...no, maybe I'm just on the classified listserve...
CW: The faculty one is much funnier. I'm bringing chocolate to the men who defended my breast's honor. True story.
ME: (what the hell?) Oh...hahaha...that's funny... (or is it?)

My bad, Sarah. My bad.

2010-05-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

Me: Oh right...you went out with him!
SP: What?! I didn't go out with him!! What are you talking about?? Don't you think we would have been talking about that for forever? Why would I have gone out with him? What are you talking about? Who are you confusing him with? No, seriously?! I would have stabbed him if I went out with him...he would have been talking, and then a fork would have been in his jugular! Then I would have been like, "Please stop talking!" Why would you ever have thought I went out with him??

(pauses while I laugh, silently)

Really? What are you talking about???

(another pause)

How could you have thought I went out with him?? What are you talking about???

(pause)

What the hell???!!!

Have I mentioned my love of the guitar today??

2010-04-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

A.A. Bondy - we love him.

Let's get serious, folks.

2010-04-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

I ran across the image on a blog I follow, and it really spoke to me. As women we relate our self-image to what men think of us. I see it with my friends, I see it in myself, and it's very self-destructive. If you are made to feel inferior by someone, you have two options. 1) Tell them and see if they change (after all, maybe it's unintentional), or 2) Sever contact. Remaining "friends" with someone that treats you poorly, and makes you question who you are, is not healthy. It doesn't matter if you think this guy is "the one", or if you've invested time and energy into the situation. No one deserves to feel worthless.

Dear Lurkers,

2010-03-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

I see you. If you've enjoyed what you've read, please comment.

Thank you.

Leah

p.s. This does not apply to Meredith, Sarah, Elisa, Allen or Rachel. The rest of you know who you are.

Top Ten: The Band

2010-03-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

1. King Harvest Will Surely Come
2. Rag Mama Rag
3. Don't Do It
4. Life is a Carnival
5. Up on Cripple Creek
6. It Makes No Difference
7. The Weight
8. The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
9. Ophelia
10.The Shape I'm In

Work = Fun

2010-03-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

CW: (hands me two medium sized plastic bags) Here's a toy for you.
ME: Yay!! If I get bored later I'll just stick my head inside one of those!

Should I take comfort in this??

2010-03-10T17:24:00.000-08:00

CW: Unless he's a psychopath he shouldn't be surprised. If he is a psychopath you'll already be dead, so...
ME: Thanks Mark.

For your edification

2010-03-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

SP: Leah, he's so special!! And I mean that in the "short bus" kind of way. (pauses) Bless his heart.

Adding "Bless his/her heart" to the end of any negative statement lessens the insult. Thanks Elisa. ;)

In times like these we need to find a way to make a better day keep my feet on the ground turning 'round come what may.

2010-03-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

Mavis, I have high hopes for tonight! :)

Top Ten: Van Morrison

2010-03-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

1. Caravan
2. And It Stoned Me
3. Domino
4. Irish Heartbeat
5. Tupelo Honey
6. Into The Mystic
7. Saint Dominic's Preview
8. Sweet Thing
9. These Dreams Of You
10.Cyprus Avenue

Prove it, bitch!

2010-03-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

Me: I don't think it's that funny.

SP: Um, anytime you put "bitch" after something it automatically makes it funny. Remember, "Make me a baby, bitch!"? Hilarious!

Top Ten: AC/DC

2010-03-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

In no particular order.

1. Highway To Hell

2. T.N.T

3. For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)

4. Shoot To Thrill

5. Touch Too Much

6. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

7. If You Want Blood (You've Got It)

8. It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll)

9. Back In Black

10. Dog Eat Dog

Coco-nuts

2010-02-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

Emails exchanged...

Me: So I just threw up in my mouth...
SP: Yeah, I dry-heaved for about five minutes when I read that!

Conversation after searching "coconut M&M's" on google...

(For some bizarre reason, google search includes a picture of a naked man with a belly hanging to the ground. His eyes are blacked out.)

Me: (clicks on images) I wanna see a cross-section.
CW: Don't look down and to the right!!
Me: Too late!
CW: My eyes! (laughs) At least they covered his eyes so we wouldn't recognize him. (a few moments of silence) His belly was almost touching the ground. At least I think it was a man.
Me: I wasn't sure either, but I didn't want to look that closely!!
CW: I'm going to start exercising right now.

Food poisoning, yummy!

2010-02-17T17:08:00.001-08:00

CW: I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd wanna eat week old salmon.
Me: Yeah.
CW: Especially if he keeps it in a cooler. (laughs) Isn't that what he said?
Me: He said "icebox" but I think he meant the fridge.
CW: Oh, (laughs). I was gonna say, don't think I'll be going to a barbecue at his house. At least not on a Friday.

Well shit...

2010-02-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

Saw this guy last night:

Two words: Awe-some. That is all. Also, I'm going to see Mavis Staples next month and I am ridiculously excited! Oh Mavis, I adore you!

Let's get specific

2010-02-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

Me: So, what are your thoughts on the other night?
CS: (sighs) Can I be completely honest?
Me: Oh God...What??
CS: I was so bored!! I mean the whole time.
Me: (laughs) That's not what I meant...
Me: Seriously, I think I just had a heart attack.

Sweet, sweet Bridgette

2010-02-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

BB: I feel like I need to make a special effort with church. Because of Sean and everything.
Me: So...your "special effort" for Sean is to attend all three hours of church?

(Hilarity ensues)

Outside I'm masquerading, inside my hope is fading

2010-02-08T14:01:00.000-08:00

I've decided I'm definitely going to see him on Sunday. As long as there are tickets available. :)

Maybe you had to be there...

2010-02-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

CW: How many packages of Nerds do we have left?
Me: Don't judge me!!
CW: Well that answers my question.

RS: I like your hair...and your glasses.
Me: Thank you.
RS: You look really young; I'm guessing, like, 23.
Me: I'm not 23.
RS: How old are you?
Me: 30.
RS: (looks flabbergasted) No way!! You look really young...you're like a unicorn that never ages.

*Please note "RS" stands for random student.

CW: And this is why we keep the killing scissors in the drawer!! If they were handy I'd have them sticking out of my neck right now.

Taken out of context

2010-02-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

Me: It's not stealing, per se. You're more of a scavenger.
CW: It's a gray area. It's like witnessing a crime; you see an accident and you don't stop. (pauses for ten seconds) And then you go back later and steal their wallet. (another pause) It's a gray area.

SP: Smell it.
Me: Okay.
SP: Gross, right? Now imagine it has radioactive properties.

"Personally I'd like to see a normal shaped lassie modeling them with a big bottom and a nice set of hooters."

2010-01-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

My grand plan

2010-01-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

See all remaining members of Led Zeppelin separately. Then I will imagine that this is the same as seeing the band live, as a whole. Is it the same: no, but I'm gonna try anyway.

Robert Plant - check

Next, see Them Crooked Vultures live. Shouldn't be too hard, right? (I've already been thwarted in this considering they came to Seattle before I was a fan and they'll be performing at Coachella on the only day I won't be attending, should I actually attend.)

Dear Self,

2010-01-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

Now that we have finally reached the ripe old age of thirty, I think we may be digressing in our maturity. I understand that we have an image to maintain (intimidating and aloof, etc.) but this is ridiculous. How about this: let's begin to show true feelings, act normally and engage in conversation with people that matter to us. There's something to be said for showing some of your cards.

Stop screwing up!

Kind Regards,

Me

Sigh

2010-01-24T14:43:00.000-08:00

I wrote a blog. It was amazing; insightful, clever, witty and much, MUCH too pointed. Too bad none of you will ever read it.

Sunday - the good, the bad and the ugly

2010-01-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

7:30 a.m. Realize that the new time change is increasing my inactivity. Bridgette's talk is the only thing getting me to church.

8:45 a.m. Conversation with Sarah

Leah: Let's leave right after Sacrament, no stopping to talk.
Sarah: Got it.
Leah: We could leave during the closing hymn?
Sarah: That's not awkward or anything; we wear high heels.
Leah: I'll take off my shoes!
Sarah: No.
Leah: Fine.

9:10 a.m. I guess guilt trips don't work on me. Huh.

9:15 a.m. Nope, still don't feel guilty.

9:20 a.m. - 10:05 a.m. Apparently I haven't changed much in the last twenty years. I'm still the same giggly girl who couldn't keep it together for mass.

I do nothing except relax/sleep for a few hours

4:30 p.m. Phone conversation with Cher

Leah: Did you get it?

Cher: It's totally cute.

Leah: It looks like underwear. But that's good 'cause I look good in underwear.

Cher: It does look like underwear. They should make more bikinis that are cut that way.

Leah: I know. Sarah thinks it looks like leather underwear.

Cher: You could probably find something cuter.

A few moments pass

Leah: I've decided to become a bad girl.

Cher: Uh oh. Why?

Leah: Because.

Cher: In what way?

Leah: In all ways.

Cher: Oh dear...

Leah: How should I start?

4:55 p.m. Abandon "bad girl" persona for two reasons; 1) Pure laziness - it's too much work, and 2) I decide to go to the fireside.

Evening

- Stay for the dinner AND the fireside. I'm so proud of myself at this point.

- Still have bad luck. Really? Really?

- Revisit the bad girl idea.

- Wonder how girls can be so manipulative and why boys can be so stupid?

- Am reminded (for the upteenth time) that good looks, brains and boobs matter very little to LDS men. Wonder (again) what does matter... besides mediocrity?

- Why do all single firesides have to harp on the "single" thing. Can we lay off already??

Picture (s) of the night

2010-01-09T11:34:00.001-08:00

Next Concert Perhaps?

2010-01-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

Showbox SoDo - 1/19

Resolution

2010-01-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

As discussed with Sarah, Cher and Renae - 3:00 a.m 1/1/2010

Lower Expectations

Only one seems necessary.

I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

2009-12-21T19:42:00.000-08:00

Apparently I have a bad reputation. Some of my friends have recently been "warned" about Sarah and I because apparently we are a couple of "bad" "party" girls with serious "modesty issues". This amuses me greatly (and also hurts my feelings, but that's another issue); I've always been a bookworm who preferred staying at home to going out, but about a year ago decided that I was so sick of being treated like a second class citizen by all the LDS guys I know and I wanted to have a little fun for once. After ten years in the singles wards I've realized something: people are weak. Women play mindless games to attract attention from boy/men who see themselves as gods. When I was twelve years old I decided I would never dumb myself down for a guy, and I haven't. Of course that is ultimately why I am unmarried, but I would rather be single for eternity than stuck playing the fool. I'm proud of the woman I have become. I'm beautiful, intelligent, kind, witty and stacked and if this intimidates you that's your problem. As my guy friend says, "People are always afraid of girls with a rack". Crude, but true.

So, go ahead and tell my friends I'm gonna lure them down the wrong path, tell people I'm a slut who picks up guys at clubs. Say any damn thing you want, spread all the rumors you like, but we all know where that hostility originated. I'm sure all the lemmings will believe anything you say, they can't think for themselves after all. And if you're reading this and thinking, "Well, you shouldn't project that image if you don't want people to view you that way", get your head out of your ass.

Dear Santa,

2009-12-17T18:51:00.000-08:00

My coworker forwarded this link to me: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/

This one is my favorite!

Dear Santa:

How does my lord? I am fine. I believe 'tis possible you did not receive my wish list last year, or that it fell into unsavory hands and was rudely tampered with before reaching you, as all you brought me was a chastity belt and some granny underpants. I pray that this one flies to you untainted since this year hath really sucked. I wish for the following:

— He's Just Not That Into You (book and DVD)

— "All About Me" Lock and Key Diary

— National Geographic Flower and Leaf Pressing Kit

— Coastal Deluxe Automatic Inflatable Life Vest

Fingers crossed,
Ophelia

To All Those Who Look But Don't Respond:

2009-12-16T13:57:00.000-08:00

I know you're out there, faithfully reading my blog every time I update. I ask you, would it kill you to comment? It appears as if Allen is the only person reading my posts. Thank you Allen.

With much pleading and little pride,

Leah

The Good Ole Days or When Beauty Wasn't Subjective

2009-12-15T16:51:00.000-08:00

Gorgeous, sexy women.

Sophia Loren

Rita Hayworth

Marilyn Monroe

Leslie Caron

It's really a shame that "starving crack whore" is the new beautiful.

I've Got You Under My Skin

2009-12-15T16:23:00.000-08:00

I had no idea Louis had such sweet dance moves!

Treat Me Right

2009-12-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals "Treat Me Right"

Gov't Mule and Grace Potter "Take Me to the River"

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals "Apologies"

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals "If I Was from Paris"

Really??

2009-12-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

This conversation just occurred with a VERY dumb student.

Me: What's your last name?
DS: Ummmmmm....Smith.*
Me: Okay. And your first name?
DS: Ummmmmmm....Tom.

*Not his real name.

On a side note, I am so thankful I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow!! For a few short days I can forget everything and everyone. Thanks Walt!

I always thought Santa was a little creepy...

2009-12-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

You MUST check out this link!

http://sketchysantas.com

This one scared the beejesus out of me

My own personal sketchy Santa

13 Years?

2009-12-02T13:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20091202/NEWS01/712029869&news01ad=1#Father.gets.13.years.in.6-year-olds.fatal.shooting

Disgusting.

Gobble Gobble Gobble

2009-11-26T13:10:00.001-08:00

On this day of giving thanks I present...The Flight of the Conchords!

And my family (obviously)
My girls (!)
This email from Whitney:

I feel that in light of the holiday I should just make a list of all the things I am grateful for then simply hit 'send'. You alll know the important things close to my heart that I am grateful for: the streams of smoke jets often make in the sky, mug handles, and the orange beverage Tang.

My job
Hot cocoa
iTunes

Disneyland (three weeks, woo hoo!!)

The "hide" option on facebook (sooo thankful for this one)

The blessed few I have NOT hidden on facebook

That my car is still running (everyone cross your fingers!!)

DSW

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Dear Friday, This one's for you. Love always, Leah

2009-11-20T10:39:00.000-08:00

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

*SIGH* Fridays are the absolute best. Especially at 3:30 when I'm heading home from work... ;)

Baby Don't You Do It. Don't Do It. Don't You Break My Heart. Pleeaase Don't Do It Don't You Break My Heart.

2009-11-18T17:14:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned that I love this song? As sung by The Band. Or even the Derek Trucks Band (although I have only recently become familiar with this version). Not really The Who, although their version is alright if that's all I have available. Anyway, The Black Crowes sang "Don't Do It" as an encore song last night and I squealed like a school girl in my excitement (on the inside - I was in public)!! And then proudly sang all the lyrics, with much gusto and very little talent, but it was still amazing. :D

Thirty, Flirty and Fun!!

2009-11-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

So, I will be turning the big 3-0 in a couple months (GASP) and I've been compiling a list of things to do before that dreaded day. ;P Any suggestions?

Also, what should I do to celebrate my birthday?? All ideas are welcome (and desperately needed)!! :D

I'm Developing A Tick...

2009-11-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

Frustrations are at an all time high (or maybe they just seem that way) and the results are irritating at best. The physical, mental and emotional results are as follows:

Clenching my jaw = killer headaches.

You know when you start to adjust to a situation and you say, "Okay, I'm past the crying phase"? It's as if uttering those words acts as a catalyst for another trauma.

Eye ticks. Not pretty.

Counting to ten no longer seems to be working. Daydreaming about telling someone off, however, seems to work wonders. Of course this has caused my loved ones to look at me, after my moments of silence, and ask, "Are you okay?"

I've been writing and rewriting blog posts. Why haven't I posted these, you may ask? There's just too much swearing to be appropriate.

I've had to physically restrain myself from pulling the chord out of the wall after hearing certain songs on the radio.

A cold put me out of commission for almost a whole week.

I have an almost irresistible urge to walk into a room and scream, "Sort yourselves out!"

Have I mentioned that I'm HATING this fall??

I wake up with the Flight of the Conchords song, "Hurt Feelings" stuck in my head. I haven't listened to the song in weeks.

Sometimes I think it might be a good idea to get in my car, drive until I run out of gas, get out and just keep running. This has become my Plan B.

The question, "What do you have to lose?" has been bandied about lately. Is this really a good thing to ask a walking time bomb?

A month long vacation in a tropical paradise would not be enough to sort myself out.

When you're praised for your ongoing patience for like the fiftieth time you start to wonder if you've lost the point. I've been exercising so much patience in one situation that I've completely lost it in most others. Clearly I'm spreading myself too thin and about to run out completely.

And again...RUNNING AWAY HAS BECOME MY PLAN B. This is messed up.

Tchaikovsky's My Home Boy

2009-11-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

Every year around this time, I remember how much I love and miss the ballet. I develop a longing to watch the little toy soldiers and mice duke it out in the first act. Weird thing to miss, I suppose. The rest of the year I remember that I have seen the Nutcracker (and specifically the "fight scene") roughly five hundred times. In case you aren't aware, I danced with PNB for eight years when I was a kid. I performed in the Nutcracker three times...as a soldier each time. Get this: I was too tall to get a girl part. Hahaha. That still kills me. It's okay, the fight scene was way more fun than the party scene anyway.

Aren't they cute?

Gorgeous

The peacock will always be my favorite

My most cherished memory? One year Seattle was blanketed in snow (not exactly the "Snow-pocalypse" of last ear but close) and only half the cast was able to make it. My dad drove myself, Mari London (who was a few years ahead of me and was performing as a Chinese girl that year), and a guy who was in the Corps, to the Opera House and back. Almost every large scene had to be reworked before the performance due to a substantial amount of absences. I had a blast...and my dad and I watched the second half before making our way back home. Fun!

Maybe this is the year to get tickets. Maybe.

The CAPRICORN Woman

2009-11-02T13:10:00.000-08:00

I found this recently and it amused me greatly. I've never followed astrology that closely (and almost never enjoyed anything said about my sign) but I came across this one night. I was bored, okay? Some of this is eerily close... Which sections, you may ask? Oh, I'll leave that for you to figure out. ;) And yes, I know it's a little long.

There's no such think as a typical Capricorn female. She can be a museum curator who wears granny glasses for real, or she can be a dancer who wears a glittering G-string for fun. You'll see her crisply running a suburban P.T.A., frying hamburgers in a coffee shop, or organizing the biggest Charity Ball in the city. A Capricorn woman may decorate the society columns, smile demurely behind a political candidate husband or pour mysterious liquids into test tubes. But whatever she's doing and whatever she's wearing, Saturn will rule her actions and her secret aims.

She can be ultra-feminine, flirtatious and charming enough to make a man feel like a giant grizzly bear who can protect her from the cold, cruel world. Or she can be icy, quiet and aloof, sitting securely on her marble pedestal and challenging you to be clever enough to win her superior hand. Whichever personality she projects, underneath her womanly wiles or her practical, sensible manner, she has the same goal-a steely determination to snag the right man, who can become important, make her proud and be a good father to her children.

There's nothing flashy about the Capricorn female. You'll certainly never see her loudly or obviously pushing and shoving for first place; you may even think she's docile enough to contentedly take a back seat to her competition.Wait. See who gets the promotion.

Don't be misled into thinking she'll never sacrifice her career for marriage. Just give this girl half a chance to be a social leader and the mistress of a well-run household, and you'll see how quickly she loses interest in her job (one of the few things she'll do quickly). If you need her to, the Capricorn woman will gladly continue working to help you climb up the mountain of success-she won't be lazy. Otherwise, however, she's happier enjoying her position as your wife, provided the position is a good one, and there's enough financial security.

One of the most typical and delightful things about this woman is her natural breeding and grace of manner. You can meet a Capricorn girl who was raised in a one-room shack across the railroad -tracks, or whose father works the swing shift in a coal mine, but unless she decides to reveal her background (which she probably won't), you'll be convinced she comes from an old-line family, and was turned out by one of the best finishing schools. Such is the Capricorn built-in sense of social grace and conservative, conventional appearances.

Any man who's involved in a relationship with the female goat should learn a basic fact about this Sun sign. She seems to be more even-tempered and emotionally steady than she actually is. Her manner may convince you that she's as firm as a rock and nothing can ruffle her calm surface. The truth is that she's subject to many moods. All women are subject to moods, you say, but the Capricorn girl can have some really black and long-lasting ones. If she feels mistreated or unappreciated, she'll brood for days, weeks, even months. She calls it being sensible or practical, but Saturnine gloominess, pessimism and depression are much more deeply rooted than that. They're triggered by fear of the future, worry about the present, shame over the past-or a suspicion that she's being made fun of or is inadequate in some way. These women do not accept teasing lightly. Keep it at a minimum. To be honest, they find it impossible to see the joke when they're the victims. You don't have to bury her in compliments constantly (she'll sense when they're insincere, anyway), but don't kid her about important matters, and praise her often enough to make her realize you know her true value.

She'll probably be something of a social butterfly, extremely aware of etiquette, and she'll lean toward quaint customs like engraved napkin rings and needlepoint chairs. Things must be correct and tradition must be observed at all costs. She may have an inconsistent habit of wanting to shop in the most expensive, exclusive stores, yet insisting on a bargain. She doesn't mind buying a dress that's on sale, as long as it bears the right label.

Capricorn women have a fresh beauty of their own. You'll rarely find one who's not unusually attractive. Yet they are timid and unsure about their appearance, and you may find them needing constant reassurance that they're pretty. Although Capricorn females hate dishonesty in all forms, they're not above lying about their ages. They usually get away with it, too, thanks to the odd Saturn aging twist. They look like little old ladies as children, and then bloom suddenly into women who look like young girls when they're past the prime of life.

It would be a terrible mistake to snub her family. The man who marries a Capricorn girl marries her relatives. There's no point in thinking that yours is different. She's not. Somewhere along the line, you'll stop laughing at mother-in-law jokes (you may cry instead). Many times, the Saturn female is the sole support of her family, financially or morally or both. She may care for an ill parent with devotion to the point of relinquishing the idea of marriage completely. Often, she'll enjoy the sacrifice because of her honest love for her family, but even if she resents it, her strong sense of responsibility and duty will not permit her to escape.

You might as well resign yourself to flattering your mother-in-law, and hope she's a great gal who's worth it. Don't argue politics with her father, and if you must criticize her brothers and sisters, see that the criticism is constructive, and based on a sincere belief in their potentialities. Frequently, Capricorns find themselves burdened with distressed or invalid relatives, and the typical goats will never let love, however consuming it might be, cause them to neglect such obligations. You'd better start right out by planning to have a guest room or two for visiting relatives. But there's a reverse benefit. You'll have a wife who is kind and considerate toward your own family. The Capricorn girl will understand if you have to allocate a fixed sum to your parents each week, and she'll probably be a companion to your brothers and sisters. She's the kind of girl you take home to meet mother, and mother approves of her immediately. Since men are so contrary, such instant encouragement can cause them to back away. It's always more fun to fight objections for your lady fair. But you'll only be slicing off your nose to spite your heart, because your mother is right. The Capricorn girl, if she's a typical Saturn woman, will make an excellent wife. The home of a Capricorn woman often looks so effortlessly spotless and smooth-running you'd think there were little fairies and elves hiding in the comers, working away furiously after midnight to shine and polish and cook and clean.

Most Capricorns save their rainbow thinking for history and heroic deeds of the past. Since she worships tradition, and reveres those who have overcome obstacles to gain success, it's easier for her to get sentimental over the Gettysburg address than to get enthusiastic over your latest wild scheme. Actually, she's a true romantic, with greater imagination than the scatterbrains with unreal fantasies. Every January girl has haunting poetry in her soul, but she doesn't have much sympathy for poets who starve in attics. Take care of the food and rent and then pursue the dream, whatever it may be, is the Capricorn motto. Also make sure that the dream is worth pursuing. She sees nothing glamorous or magical about failure.

Patiently help your Capricorn woman overcome her lack of personal confidence. She's not unimaginative just because she doesn't court delusion. Try on a couple of her practical dreams for size, and you'll find they're surprisingly comfortable. Stubbornness may be one of her vices, but she's not a whiner or a nervous nag. She'll push you toward success, yet be tender and devoted. In spite of her modest, often gentle ways, she'll know just how to twist you around her little finger. There's a deep richness in her love that's more lasting than the brittle, scorching, demanding love of other women. Who says she doesn't believe in fairy tales? Only a wise Capricorn maiden could look deep into the eyes of an awkward frog and see that he's really a prince in disguise. Not only that-if you marry her, you’ll never run out of clean socks.

Devil On The Left, Angel On The Right

2009-10-31T14:47:00.001-07:00

Simply Awesome.

You're Still A Super Hot Female...You Got A Million Dollar Contract

2009-10-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get a random song stuck in your head? One you haven't heard in a while? A couple weeks ago I awoke to, "Don't Give Up". Just those lyrics, over and over again: don't give up! I can't even remember the last time I heard that song. Today it's a line from "What You Waiting For?" by Gwen Stefani. Which line? I'm glad you asked, here it is: take a chance you stupid ho.

Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

Sassy Like Joan

2009-10-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

I finally saw a few episodes of Mad Men last night (the first three to be precise). Pretty good! Handsome lead (I’d even say dreamy if he weren’t cheating on his wife), fantastic costumes and decent direction. Overall two thumbs way up! ;) The men, though!! Awful with a capital “D” for “Aren’t these guys a bunch of DICKS?” Some of the circumstances and lines had me gritting my teeth so hard I was afraid I’d shatter one of my molars!

Luckily I made it through with my teeth intact. My favorite scene? I’m really glad you asked… Towards the end of episode three Peggy complains to Joan about how predatory the men at the office are, and Joan responds by sarcastically asking, “Because men usually chase you down the street, right? You’re new; enjoy it while it lasts, honey.” Priceless! Someday (sooner rather than later) I will say this to some mousy girl. You can’t throw a stone nowadays without hitting one after all – you know the ones I mean: all the guys think are inexplicably hot, but anyone who has eyes knows they're mousy. Enjoy it while it lasts, honey. I can already tell your aging badly.

While searching the interweb for the quote above (yeah, I didn’t find it – mine is not entirely accurate) I found this one:

Roger: “Mr. Hooker has rearranged the secretaries in the pool alphabetically.”
Joan: “By cup size?”
Roger: “Well, I know where you'd be sitting.”

I was tickled pink by this!! I really, really like Joan. She’s hot (you know, actually hot), sassy, says things like they are and bosses people around. I wanna be just like her when I grow up…apart from the long term affair with her boss, secretary’s wages and the awfulness of what happens to her in season three. But, you know what I mean, right?

Also, amen to those in charge of such things for making a genuinely beautiful woman the hot girl on the show! It’s so lovely to see a woman with her dimensions on television who's talked about favorably (like, “Hey that actress is so hot!”). This just confirms what I’ve been saying and witnessing for years: Guys like hot women. Real ones.

Leah Pearce Gives Her Opinion Very Decidedly For So Young A Person

2009-10-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

You MUST look at this!! Minutes of sheer joy!! ;)

http://www.much-ado.net/austenbook/

Not Making Senses..Too Much Choices..Why Can't I Get Anything Fresh?

2009-10-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Were you confused by my last post? If you were, here's the deal: I took excerpts from Whitney's missionary letters and created one "complete" letter. Sorry for any confusion. :)

I was not smoking crack.

She Who Said It Best (est) *

2009-10-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the brief summary of my life.

I’m getting a little darker, my skin that is. But don’t worry about my face, I do use spf moisturizer.

We climbed up Devil's Saddle this morning to watch the sun rise. Google that. Yummy!

And on the way out of town, we made some friends with a man who owns a fish market and he had us try raw mussels with fresh lemon juice. You just slurp the raw meat right out of the shell. After the 4th I was beginning to not think it was so bad. :)

Boys still drool.

Did I ever tell you about the time I served in Cagliari and it was the bestest? Here I am to remind you: Cagliari is better than puppies and cupcakes with sprinkles on a spring morning at the beach.

Sunday evenings are always more fun than a barrel full of rainbow colored monkeys!

Thanksgiving. It's coming. Sister Hawkey and I are supposed to create a program for a ward activity. Look at this blank expression on my face foretelling how I think I might contribute to the production of this program. All I want to do is wear feathers in my hairs. Can someone help a sister missionary out here? Year 2010 I am wearing feathers in my hairs at TG.

Life is a garden. Dig it.

Speaking of a gay tour of Tuscany…

Hopes you are fan.stinking.tastic even more than you were 9 months ago. oh, hearts, I must leave you now.

uncontrollable laughters and improper english grammar,

Whitney

*Please note this is clearly a mish mash of a variety of different letters.

Too Cool For School

2009-10-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

I feel as if I've been having the same conversation over and over and over again the last few weeks. Different girls, different situations but the same grievances: guys who act so cool and indifferent that the women they're trying to impress get pissed off and give up.

My tip to you, boys? Bimbos may adore that "too cool for school" act. They enjoy the chase and the trouble. Smart women, on the other hand, do not. We expect a certain amount of interest to be paid. A little work to be done. After all, we're worth it! ;) We don't chase men; they chase us, and while you might be playing this game to invoke a reaction, we may have already been forming a contingency plan of our own. One that most certainly does not involve you.

Tread carefully! And good luck (you're definitely going to need it). :)

Rush Week…The Calculations

2009-10-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Number of elbows I took to the face: 1
Number of times I called a student “the son of Satan”: roughly 19
Number of times a student serenaded me: 1 (1 too many times)
Number of times a student flirted with me to get what he wanted: 3
Number of times it worked: 0
Number of times I asked a student if they had their student id: millions
Number of times they actually had it: about 10
Number of times I complained about working until 8:00 pm: 20 or 30
Number of awkward conversations with young men: at least 15
Number of times I felt OLD: this is an ongoing problem when all the students look 12
Number of times I saw a student wipe their nose with their hand and hand me something: ugh…lots…
Number of times a coworker and I joked about gargling Purell: 6
Number of times security was called: 2

Glad that's over with. :)

Odds and Ends

2009-09-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

It seems as if I haven’t posted any real blogs in a while (concert aside). The summer has been fabulous and I really do not want it to end! I like fall (I really do), but the shorter days and longer hours at work are going to kill me. Not literally speaking but you get my drift. I am ridiculously happy that this weekend is going to be sunny and warm! On the agenda for today: wakeboarding. This may be my last chance this summer! This time I’ll be sporting my brand new bikini (see exhibit A), and hoping against hope that it doesn’t come off! ;D

I’m also hoping that I can sustain my progress, and ride the waves a little longer this time (see exhibit B). Maybe someday I’ll be as good as these two (see exhibits C and D). Next summer perhaps?

Sarah, Bridgette and I hosted a fantastic party a month and a half ago. I’m not tooting my own horn (*toot*), it really was amazing (see exhibit E). ;) We had just come off the hottest days in Seattle’s recorded history, and people were ready to dance. The best part? We’re doing it again in a few short weeks! Hopefully the turnout and energy will be just as awesome!

Montana!! I know, I know….I never wrote a longer post. My bad. But I did have an awesome time (see Exhibit F)! I didn’t float the creek (and am half determined to drive down and down so) but it was extremely enjoyable regardless.

Ward Campout on Whidbey. Limited activities planned, but us girls had fun with one another. A few highlights included: the company (Sarah and Cherilyn), the giggles, the beach walking and the tent debacle. And I found some cute teesny tinsy shells on the beach(See exhibit G).

Dancing. The last eleven months have seen A LOT of dancing. The last month and a half has not. Let’s start that up again, shall we??

Little, baby hikes. Ice caves, etc (see exhibit H). Fun and totally painless. I am determined to do some real hikes in the next month and a half. The next few Saturdays are booked however…which leads me to my next point…

5 Ks. Iron girl is this weekend. And the end of the month will bring the AIDS walk (with the UW medical team - don't ask). I’m not a hardcore runner; I just like to have fun.

Dear Summer,

I never want you to end!! Please last two more months at least!!!

Sigh....

Sad in Seattle,

Leah

My goal for fall? Don't let a certain bitchy girl make me feel inferior. Or win.

Dear So and So,

Oh, it's on! Don't think for one minute that you can pull one over on me!

Leah

p.s. I don't like you.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Exhibit H

SNARK!!

2009-09-10T00:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Fate,

I think you are a total bitch. Seriously, why are you trying to ruin my life?

Regards,

Leah

p.s. Have I broken a mirror recently? Perhaps more than one??

For Those About To Rock...

2009-09-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

I went to the AC/DC show last Monday, and let me tell you it rocked! The show was even better than I was expecting (and since Brian Johnson's voice was reportedly "trashed", I didn't have high hopes). Sure the guys are old (really old), but they put on a fantastic show. Highlights? Besides the drunk woman who kept asking to sit in my lap, the pot smokers, the anal woman sitting to the right of me who glared and exhaled every time I accidentally touched her....The bell lowered for "Hell's Bells", Angus's striptease, having the lyrics to "Big Balls" quoted to me (repeatedly) by my concert mates, the excitement of "TNT", the tour of "old" Tacoma, and having so much fun that I honestly didn't care if I bumped the woman next to me or not. My main regret? Forgetting my camera. Sure it was probably too dark in there anyway, but I'm still a little bummed.

We never actually heard "Big Balls" (which was a bitter disappointment to me), but I couldn't manage to get that song out of my head for days. Days!

Oh...and another favorite thing? Being able to listen to the concert again and again if I feel so inclined!! I love iphones right now... I even had a dream two nights ago that I bought one. Since I have a contract with Verizon this dream may never come true...or at least not for a few years.

Roma Revisited...

2009-08-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

As an addendum to the last post, on facebook today someone posted a random picture of missionaries in Rome. Guess who was in it? Go on guess!! Okay I'll tell you....

That girl in the middle (white skirt and blue blouse)...that's Whitney!! Pretty random, huh?

Ciao Roma!

2009-08-26T09:58:00.001-07:00

Whitney just informed me (via email) that she has been transferred to Cagliari! (Cagliari is the capital city on the island of Sardinia.) In case you’re confused, geographically speaking, here is a map:

(It's the island off the coast to the left...no, not the one at the bottom, that's Sicily, middle-top left...there you go, that's the one!)

At her request, I googled some images. All I can say is, "Amazing"; it is unbelievably beautiful.

If you don't believe me, here's some proof:

See what I mean? Bellissima!! (Those last two images are market pics, not scenery pics - in case you got confused. Food is pretty too; especially shellfish, mushrooms and prickly pears.)

*Sigh* Let's book a flight there, pronto!!

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say….

2009-08-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

Don’t say anything at all...don’t even blog about it. You should be proud of my self-restraint.

Spam-a-lot

2009-08-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

As a follow up to my last post, I would just like to say that that "enlargement" email corrupted my Internet Explorer and I had to make an emergency call to TSS (our tech support) to fix it. So, I take it back; I am glad it happened at work. I don't want to fry my home computer!

Why Don’t These Things Happen In The Privacy Of My Own Home?

2009-08-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

“Never had a penis…and that’s something we have in common!”

Recently my inbox has been inundated with a variety of penis enlarging emails/products. Why? I don’t know; this never happened until a few months ago. It goes without saying that these messages get junked. Today, however, one nasty bastard refused to stay junked and opened instead in a new window! Really? While I’m at work no less! Oopsies… Luckily the coworker who sits near me had gone home for the day.

I’m thinking of forwarding these messages to certain persons…would that be rude? :D

So I Said To Myself….

2009-08-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

Dearest Self,

I realize that we are very into preservation right now, but there comes a time when you need to STOP acting like a detached bitch and be yourself. That shouldn’t be too difficult, should it? We are nice. We are fun! We are friendly and polite to everyone! (We are also very Dr. Seuss, apparently.) Let’s be a little less “too cool for school” and start showing our cards, painful though this may be. You can’t hide in the corner forever. Eventually we’ll have to step into life and do something real for a change. If we can be nice to the most ridiculous of acquaintances, we can be nice to those we actually care about. If you want to be happy, let’s change our ways. Unless of course you want to look back ten years from now and realize the poor outcome was entirely your fault. Your choice.

Be Brave!

Me

Do you ever feel like you do and say the wrong thing in every important situation? And then chastise yourself for doing the exact thing you told yourself you wouldn’t (in this case, overreact and get pissed off)? And then do this over and over and over again over the course of a few months?

I Must Have Misheard You...

2009-08-07T09:34:00.000-07:00

I went to the Seattle Art Museum last night (no, I didn’t see the Andrew Wyeth exhibit, not yet) and it was fabulous! I love first Thursdays; I need to take more advantage of this wonderful service! Anyway, there were a couple things that made this experience less than desirable:

As Sarah and I were driving past the museum, I recognized someone walking in. Someone creepy. Tiny little bit of back-story…There is a student at Shoreline who creeps me out more than any other guy I have ever met. More than club guys, more than anyone (and I’m not a nervous sort.) He’d come up to my desk almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. He never said anything overt, but the way he said things to me made me hugely uncomfortable. Luckily he’s transferred now, but towards the end of his enrollment I would run into a coworkers office and hide there until he left (he would linger at my desk, look down the hall – presumably knowing I was there because my coworker would watch for him to leave –sometimes for ten or fifteen minutes). This doesn't sound like much, but trust me, this gets weird after more than a year. Icky…

So icky in fact, I almost turned around and went home. Sarah’s like, “There are so many people there it’ll be fine.” And luckily we didn’t see him inside, but it shortened my stay and lessened my enjoyment.

Although I did get to see this:

A photograph by Imogen Cunningham (we LOVE her) of Margrethe Mather and Edward Weston. If you aren’t familiar with her work or her story, google her. She’s fabulous!

The second weird moment of the evening? Walking to SAM (we parked on the street) I was stopped by a homeless man who said to me, “I wouldn’t mind sticking my nose in those butt cheeks!” Interesting. It’s extremely funny to me now, but strange (really strange) at the time. And was a major factor in our decision not to walk to the car after it had gotten dark. I’ve had people (guys mostly) say obscene, weird things to me, but this one really takes the cake for sheer bizarreness.

Status? Broken.

2009-08-03T09:38:00.001-07:00

My little Ipod mini finally kicked the bucket. At least as far as my computer is concerned. Sad. No matter how many times we (Julie and I) restored the damn thing, it still wouldn’t sync with my frickin’ computer. It would sync with hers just fine (I am SO blaming Windows Vista for this) but all I received were error messages. Fine, that’s just fine! I’ll just get one of these instead:

They’re much prettier anyway. :D

Dear Seattle,

2009-07-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

So…um….like….what’s with the weather? 90 degrees and higher? Do you really think that’s appropriate? In case you have forgotten, this is what Seattle is supposed to look like:

Seem familiar? Now it’s not as if I don’t fully appreciate the sun and all it’s glory (I am a Seattle native after all) but Seattle is beginning to feel a little something like this:

Except without the cool camels and stuff. And more humidity (think desert but with umbrellas).

And I am starting to feel a lot like this lady:

You know, “I’m melting!” etc. Although I am in possession of considerably greater fashion sense. And better skin.

All I'm asking, Seattle, is that the weather tone down just a little bit. I love the sun (I do, really!), I'd just like a little less painful heat!

It's hot. It's HOT!!

2009-07-24T12:20:00.001-07:00

My mom recently found an old dress I'd worn when I was fourteen or fifteen - greenish-blue, button-down (with metallic buttons!), knee length, etc. Oh, and of course some kick ass shoulder pads...yeah...hot!

I had to try it on (obviously) and Julie just had to take some pictures....Oh the hotness...

Putting In My Angry Eyes

2009-07-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning; I’m irritable, grumpy, anxious and in a funk. Not sure why, really. I slept restfully…no bad dreams, etc. I feel like I’m in limbo right now (not a good feeling).

And I wanna buy a bikini. This one specifically:

Cute, yes?

And some more yoga clothes (mine are horribly outdated – and too big).

And I need another vacation.

And I need to stop complaining. ;D

I’m Not the Only One Who Thinks Darcy is a Tool

2009-07-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

Last week I picked up the book Beowulf on the Beach, and I’ve really been enjoying it! It’s a light literary criticism (the diet coke of literary critique, if you will) of some of the “best” works of literature, from The Iliad to Lolita. I’m been reading it on my lunch break, and I have to say the commentary is quite funny. More than once I’ve closed the book and laughed out loud at some barb or another. Jack Murnighan (the esteemed author) creates a crib sheet for each work which includes the Buzz, the Best Line, Quirky Fact, What’s Sexy and What to Skip. Murnighan takes a variety of great works (you know the ones you hated in high school) and attempts to make them appeal to the masses. He (mostly) succeeds. My opinion? The reviews read more enjoyably if you have a passing knowledge of the texts.

A few of my favorite chapters (so far):

The Aeneid

Don Quixote

The History of Tom Jones, A Foundling – and his reference to Fielding’s other, less famous, novel Shamela: satire of Samuel Richardson’s Pamela.

Jane Eyre – I *love* Jane. Intelligent and compassionate, she rivals most of the Austen heroines (except for maybe Anne Elliot).

Moby Dick – Hannah (my little sixteen year old sister) read this last year and loved it. She kept trying to read passages to me that were (apparently) filled with mirth. I’m not going to lie; I didn’t quite see the hilarity. Murnighan (with his PhD in literature from Duke University) also saw the humor, and indicated that this book should be read by adults who can see and appreciate the wit that high school students usually miss.

Dearest Hannah,

I bow down to your superior intelligence.

Love,

Leah (your favorite sister)

p.s. Don’t get too full of yourself. I know that in between John Steinbeck and Graham Greene, you’re reading the Twilight series….

Bleak House – I love, love Dickens. Forget everything anyone has ever told you about him (or at the very least everything you decided as a twelfth grader). If you’re only exposure to Dickens is Oliver Twist, give David Copperfield, Great Expectations, or even The Pickwick Papers a go. And...I don’t want to give anything away, but someone dies by spontaneous combustion. Yes, that’s right. Don’t you want to read it now? :D

Madame Bovary – I’m infinitely glad someone else dislikes Emma as much as I do (p.s. Flaubert did as well).

What I Wished He’d Included:

Thomas Hardy – Possibly the most depressing novelist of all time. (If you doubt me, read Jude the Obscure. I promise you won’t soon forget that ending.) My friend, Annie, said it best: “Hardy had his place in history. He brought attention to the plight of the poor and downtrodden, but at this point he should be read in passages. In a history class.” My opinion? Dickens and Gaskell brought the plight of the downtrodden to the masses in a more compassionate and infinitely more readable way. I can’t even take Under the Greenwood Tree, which is a much lighter, romantic story. I was really hoping Murnighan could make Hardy palatable. Oh well.

*On a completely unrelated and entirely vapid note, I've been braiding my hair recently (it's finally long enough!) and I've been loving it!! Cute and low-maintenance. :)

Were You Raised In A Barn?? No, Seriously…Were You??

2009-07-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

Impoliteness and rudeness seem to be running rampant these days. Sometimes I’m amazed how many nosey, ill-mannered, offensive people I meet on a daily basis. I am not without my faults (if you know me I’m sure you’ll agree); in fact I’ve been called a bitch on more than one occasion…on quite a few occasions actually. I’m vain, I have a quick temper (more often than not I say hurtful things that I regret), I’m antisocial (bet you didn’t know that, did you ;D), rigid, prudish (sometimes) and I’m kind of a liar (or am I). But I am not rude on a daily basis. I am very polite, patient and reasonably friendly, mind my p’s and q’s, etc. Why doesn’t everyone else??

Just a few of the insults (and general rudeness) I have been treated to of late:

A vendor at work, butting into my business and trying to set me up with some forty-four year old slob. When he found out I was Mormon, he called me an old maid. If I were an “old” maid, I would still decline any sort of set up. I’d be much too busy having fun and living my life. (This full story is so personal and despicable that I really, really can’t include the good stuff.)

Rude, unpleasant women. (Me: Maybe she was just in a bad mood. Sarah: Is she in a bad mood every time we see her??)

Oh, and the staring….bitch put your eyes back in your head, sit back in your chair, and stop the looking. We’re hardly in competition.

Being told that “it’s a good thing there isn’t a stigma for being single and thirty.” Um, I’m not thirty and yeah….

Acting like I’m invisible. In person and electronically. (Oops, am I wearing my invisibility cloak today?? My bad…)

Being told I have “mousy brown hair” (Excuse me but my hairstylist Andrea told me I had blonde hair: “There aren’t twelve shades of brown. That’s like saying she (motioning to Sarah) has black hair. This color (pointing to her dyed ash blonde locks) is not natural. Only albinos have this color hair.) Thank you, Andrea!

Weirdness, rudeness and games played by the opposite sex that are both juvenile and incomprehensible. (I’m sorry, am I meant to be jealous??)

Failing to give me all the information/giving me incorrect information and then telling me you gave me the right info and not apologizing.

Not apologizing in general.

Being treated like the hired help (if the hired help had the mental age of a particularly dumb six year old).

Being subjected to your drama (my life is less than perfect, but I’m making the best of it).

A student telling me that he always wants to eat beef jerky after he dissects a cat (okay, not rude but so creepy and weird I had to include it).

Highlights of the week (i.e. things that are getting me through):

My new IKEA furniture (yay!!)

My new blonde highlights (I love balyage and its natural look).

Jousting in Walmart, acting really silly until Julie finally says, “You girls are crazy.”

Changing the radio station (the “smooth jazz” station is just about the WORST radio station in Seattle).

Dancing on Thursday and Friday, hiking on Saturday, WWII plane air shows, sunny weather (again), sailboats and firemen. :D

Hacking into Julie’s facebook profile and changing her status to read, “Julie Zohner loves Leah and Sarah!!! They are her besties!!!” Hahaha…

Wednesday emails from Whitney.

Moving someone for the seventh time this year, all by ourselves (i.e. just us girls) while singing “Sisters are doing it for themselves”. That’s right.

Remembering that things could get worse. (I have a job. Yay!!!)

The Moody Blues

2009-07-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I overheard a conversation that disturbed me greatly. A guy I know (not a friend and barely an acquaintance) informed a group of BYU interns (all women) that he could not understand why women were so emotional. His “logic” could not make heads nor tails of the “unbridled emotion” that women seem to display (another “point” he made was that the act of getting upset and showing one’s emotions was the direct result of never learning how to control them). This conversation (read: lecture) lasted roughly fifteen minutes, and the women he spoke to never stood up for their gender. Not once; unless you count, “Well, sometimes I cry and I don’t know why I’m upset.” Yeah. Thanks ladies. I so wanted to add my two cents with a skillfully worded scathing retort, but I didn’t. Mainly because that would have “proved his point”.

I have a few things to say on this subject (or rather to this dude):

1) First of all, women have different hormones than men. Did you know that boys? Those emotions that seem to be so despised by the opposite sex provide us with a sense of compassion, motherly instincts, the ability to bear children…etc. These “feelings” that we have are a part of us, and should be appreciated. (Never mind that a lot of men I’ve known were moodier than a teenage girl on her period.)

2) Boys who are raised in an lds community (with little interaction to the outside world) should be very careful when spouting off shit like that in front of other people. There are some women out there who aren’t going to take it.

3) In case you were wondering, this is why you don’t have a girlfriend.

4) I am a fairly logical woman (and that’s not an oxymoron) but I display my emotions, and you know what? I’m proud of them. I’m proud to be a human, not a robot.

5) You know those guys who walk around saying, “Every woman I’ve ever dated was completely insane”? That’s impossible, right? (Maybe they should stop frequenting the psych ward for all their dates.) It is infinitely more plausible that the majority of these women were pushed too far to the edge by some guy (specifically you). People can only take so much; sometimes women get tired of saying everything is fine when it’s not, and they get angry. Oops! Sorry for being a human being!

6) Someday you and I will have words, and on that day I’ll show you what unbridled emotion really looks like.

Loves!

I Prefer "F You"

2009-07-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Lily Allen,

You're song "22" might actually be killing me.

Yours,

Leah

22

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Wherever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend
She gets one-night stands
She's thinking how did I get here
I'm doing all that I can

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

And the Award Goes to

2009-06-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

Kristen, for the best (read: most ridiculous) conversation of the day! It should be noted that she is normally an extremely rational person.

My coworker, Kristen, approaches my desk about a minute after helping a student.

Kris: So... um...how do you get T.B.?
Leah: Why?
Kris: This kid was really wheezy. And his cough was really contained in his lungs.
Leah: Maybe he has a bronchial thing. Or asthma.
Kris: It's been a while since I had a T.B. test...
Leah: It was probably asthma.
Kris: (looks at arm) I should probably get a T.B. test.

On an unrelated note, I have one foreign language requirement to fulfill before I can transfer my credits. I'm thinking fall quarter...Spanish 101...and Monday nights. Oops! Then I'll have to miss FHE for a whole quarter!

I'm (obviously) really broken up about this. Hehehe.

Ahem

2009-06-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

To all my friends who want me to post more about Montana (you know who you are):

I am busy. You'll have to wait.

Love,

Leah

p.s. If you can't wait, call me on the phone (ahem...Amy Georgi...)

p.p.s. :D

Meredith…This Post is For You

2009-06-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

There is a reason they call it “Big Sky Country”. I spent five days in Montana, and by the end I was still marveling at the beautiful scenery! Pictures can not do this trip justice! I took some video with A LOT of unsteady camera holding (I apologize in advance) and a few pictures (by “few” I mean roughly 300…and Sarah took the same). There was much mocking (by us and Julie), and many humorous phrases were uttered. Some repeat offenders were:

“The plane was really small, Julie.” (A propeller plane with twenty rows…and on the way back an even smaller plane.)

"Do you have your card?" (Julie joked that this would be the title of our trip. I'm talking SD cards here; one for Sarah and one for me.)

“Watch out for that bag; there’s a staple gun in it.” (Not a repeated sentence but one of my favorites. Also, one of the first things Julie said to me in Montana. Oh Julie, how I missed you! :D)

“Well, obviously! We’re not stupid here in Montana!” (Dr. Moore – full story to come later.)

“Do not move the FRICKIN’ camera!” (Again, Dr. Moore.)

“Are you panning, Leah?! No panning!”

Dearest Meredith,

I promise, promise, promise a longer, more detailed, Montana post is coming! When I have a little more time I’ll recount it. :D

H & Ks,

Leah (your most favorite Pearce sister)

p.s. This momentarily gets me off the hook, right? No facial tattoos or crowbars to the kneecaps? ;)

Dearest Julie,

You are the bestest!!! Thank you for letting us come stay with you and showing us the sights in central Montana (tee hee)!!! I had a blast!!! I can’t wait for you to come back!

H & Ks,

Leah

p.s. I’m sorry about your poor little finger!!! :D

And They Died…In a Freak Gasoline Fight Accident

2009-06-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was chalk full of funny quotes and conversations, but this one had to be my favorite:

B: I hope I do die in a gang fight on the dance floor, because you know what then he’ll be happy!

S: If you do he’ll just rub it in your cold, dead face.

L: When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way...

That One Time I Looked Up From My Borscht to Find Lenin Staring Back At Me

2009-05-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend was jam packed. The sun shone. The sky was clear. I attempted to get a tan not once, but twice (unsuccessfully), purchased some smoked fish at the Market (yes, my fridge still smells of fish), got free Jambas (I enjoy living off of other people’s glory), went dancing, shopped for clothes at H & M and of course frequented my (new) favorite eastern European Deli/Market. Oh yes. This was the best moment of the weekend (this should be obvious to you). Not only did I enjoy browsing through a veritable jungle of pickled mushrooms, cucumbers (the generic “pickle” to the unfamiliar), and eggplant, but I came face to face with a rather large painting of Lenin. There I was: browsing, smelling some lovely borscht and BAM! Lenin. For the less intelligent folk out there (or just ignorant beyond all reason), I am referring to Vladimir Lenin (the first head of the Soviet State circa 1917) not John Lennon (the Beatle). The painting looked a little something like this:

Only a little less brooding and constipated. A kinder, happier Lenin.

On a completely unrelated note…I just purchased this:

The Kodak Zi6 Pocket Camcorder (in black, thank you very much). With this new gadget I will be able to record Sarah learning how to fly fish, hiking, playing, laughing, etc. Get ready for A LOT of Sarah footage, that’s all I’m saying.

(The disembodied voice in the background, however, will be mine.)

I Won’t Be Buying Milk in Lewistown

2009-05-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

We’re trekking over to Montana in a few weeks to visit Julie (Hi Julie!), and I decided to google the town (pictures etc) for a little sneak peek. I discovered that Lewistown is pretty cute!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

A few of our planned adventures include:

Floating down the river.
Hiking.
Fly fishing.
Chatting.
Probably watching a few episodes of Psych.
Going to church (still a little grumpy about this. I'm only agreeing to Sacrament meeting ;D).
Going out to dinner.
Meeting people I've been hearing so much about.
Taking lots of pictures (I'm even going to bring my really, really nice camera)!
Giggling (yes, this is a planned "adventure").

A few things I've learned about Lewistown from Julie:

They only have one grocery store (Albertsons)and their milk is really expensive (and expires quickly).
There is a statistical possibility that I'll either have a baby or an appendectomy while I'm there.
Someone might ask me/assume I am pregnant.
They have a great Gelato shop. Interesting, yes? The population is just over 5000.

A few things I want to do while there:

Shear a sheep (yes, shear a sheep).
See a cute cowboy (just to look at...I don't need to touch one).
Try on Cowboy boots (er, cowgirl boots).
Shock some Lewistownians by wearing a bikini while floating down the river.
Bar hopping (haha) in Lewistown or Billings (oh we're gonna get our dance on...yeah).
Reenact this photograph:

(Julie, do you know where we can find a horse and a gun?)

And (last but not least) locate and high five the creator of this sign:

Montana here we come! :D

I Miss Sean

2009-05-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a soppy, “I miss my soon-to-be-married ex-roommate(s)” post. This is more along the lines of, “Now that I don’t have a boy over at my house all the time I have to clean out my own damn storm drain” post. I’m not the type to call up the Elder’s Quorum every time I need a little favor (I’ve moved five people in the last six months without male assistance, thank you very much), but standing in stagnant water scooping out leaves, dirt, sand (?) and Lord knows what else from the drain in front of my garage with a slotted spoon that I’ll NEVER be able to use in my kitchen again (while being attacked by the largest wolf spider I’ve seen in recent memory) is NOT my idea of a good night.

But, I did it. By myself.

Dear Designers of Aforementioned Storm Drain,

I am beginning to hate you with a fiery passion I had previously reserved only for dictators and bratty Mormon girls from Idaho or Utah (you know the ones I mean).

Regards,

Leah

p.s. Remember that time Sean flung storm drain gunk onto the windshield of the neighbor that ALWAYS blocked Sarah and me in? Yeah, that was a good time.

Keeping It Funky

2009-05-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

My favorite performance last night...

I love this one (absent from last night, unfortunately)...

And this just makes me laugh...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2009-05-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

Someone said something to me recently that made me enormously grateful for my family and especially my parents. My parents raised me right; politeness, kindness, charity, intelligence and respect were always praised in our house. I know that I deserve the respect of others, and generally I receive it. Why? I earn respect. I demand respect. I demand that people (and by “people” I mostly mean men) treat me well; I don’t let people talk to me disrespectfully, dismissively, arrogantly…at least for very long. ;) Why? I respect myself! I am proud of who I am (generally speaking; everyone has their moments) and the experiences that have helped form my character. My parents instilled in me a love for myself; a confidence that is not easily shaped or built. I do not expect that everyone will like or be friends with me, but I expect them to treat me well. If they don’t, well that’s their problem.

Most women don’t learn these things, apparently. And I feel so sad for them.

From my mom I have learned faith, openness, friendliness, hope (I admit I struggle with that one) and to always trust my instincts. She has taught me that I have more strength than I realize and more power than I know. From my dad I have learned kindness, patience, wit, trust and the importance of hard work. Both of them have taught me how important a sense of humor is (especially during hard times), that my intelligence is one of the most valuable possessions I own, the importance of knowledge and constant learning, that I should stand up for myself (within reason), forgiveness and (most importantly) love.

Thanks (in most part) to them, I have a healthy body image, a non-destructive relationship with men (thank you, thank you, thank you), an appreciation for art, music, literature and British television/film, and the strength to never settle for a man who is less than what I deserve. I also have a filthy temper, a stubborn head, and a penchant for Italian meats, cheeses and olives that I’m trying to curb…slightly.

Dear Mom and Dad,

You’re the best! (I really mean that.)

Love,

Leah (your favorite child)

p.s. Oh! And thanks for giving me my good looks. Those help too! :D

I'm cute, aren't it?! ;)

Roll Over Beethoven

2009-04-30T16:06:00.000-07:00

Favorite Coworker Quote of the Day:

Jenni: She’s rolling over in her grave! (pauses) Actually she was cremated, so…

Man Scent

2009-04-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

Somewhere at a Ross near you…on Monday night…

Leah picks up a graphically pleasing tube of lotion simply called “Chill”.

Leah: I like this; is it for sunburns? (searches container for signs of its usage)
Bridge: I think it’s for after you shave.
Leah: Oh. Okay.

Sometime later (two days) at a townhome near you (mine)

Sarah: Did you buy this?
Leah: Yeah. It’s for after you shave.
Sarah: You know this is for men, right?
Leah: What? (picks up bottle) Do you think I could still use it?
Sarah: I don’t know; does it smell musky? (smells lotion) Uh, no you can’t use it.
Leah: (smells lotion) It smells nice. Are you sure?
Sarah: Do you want to smell like a man?
Leah: I bought man’s lotion!
Sarah: Um, I’m pretty sure that’s “men’s lotion”.
Leah: (pauses) I BOUGHT MAN’S LOTION!
Sarah: That sounds like a disease.
Leah: I asked Bridgette what it was for. If she knew it was an aftershave lotion, WHY DIDN’T SHE TELL ME IT WAS FOR MEN?!
Sarah: Heh heh…I don’t know.

Um…What?

2009-04-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

Sarah: You don’t think it’s because I’m not spiritual enough, right?
Leah: I’m sorry; I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sarah: The reason it never works out. Do you think it’s because I’m evil or something?
Leah: (pauses to think)
Leah: (pauses a little longer)
Leah: You know, you get really weird when guys diss you.
Leah: (pauses again)
Leah: Some boys wear really tiny pants.

On a side note, Sarah and Bridgette won second place in a talent show this weekend. Videos are on their way…

Watch Your Back or You Might Find A Knife In It

2009-04-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

I’m a nice person. I am not bragging; really, I’m not!! I am constantly telling Sarah that I am just as mean as her, but that’s probably not true. Or rather, I’m mean in an entirely different way. Sarah usually likes everyone…until you do something or say something that offends her, and then you are on her shit list for life. My tip to you: don’t get on Sarah’s shit list. Because faster than you can say, “Holy shit, where did that knife come from?” she’ll have it lodged between your shoulder blades.

Most reading this have probably never seen me really angry. Even if you think you have; trust me, you haven’t. I have a quick, vicious temper, but ferocious Leah does not come out to play very often. Why, you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you (or, I’ll tell you what Sarah and I have decided): I don’t care enough about most people to get mad. That’s right. Sarah has this big trusting heart, and she only fights back when you’ve hurt her. Me? I generally think so poorly of everyone, that it frankly doesn’t matter to me what you say or do. You matter that little to me. I’m very much like my Sicilian father: either I like you, or I want to kill you. If you fly under my radar you’re lucky.
There are, however, a few exceptions to this rule.

• I get mad at those I care about.

• I am furious at people who offend/insult/hurt people I care about.

• You are a repulsive human being, and I feel compelled to inform you of this fact.

The moral of this story?

1. Don’t piss Sarah off because she’ll flip a lid. Don’t make Sarah cry, or I’ll go Medea on your ass. (If you don’t get the Medea reference, we can’t be friends.) I won’t bother to stab you in the back. I’ll look you right in the eyes when I thrust that knife in.

2. If I get mad at you (and I like you), chances are good that I’ll forgive you. Even if you were in the wrong (because you probably were).

3. You know what they say about Sicilian girls, right? (Text removed due to copyright issues.)

An Attempt at Good Humor

2009-04-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

Current Happy Things (or rather the stuff that I’m clinging to in order to get through the week.):

My new computer (Very pretty!! Pictures coming soon!)
My box of giveaway clothes
Coach sale at the Outlet (although I have yet to experience this first hand)
Gyros
Dancing
Bang trim
Going home at 3:30 to clean my house (yes, this makes me EXTREMELY happy)
Gyro salads
Car shopping (for Bridgette, but I can hope and dream)
Remembering to bring my lunch to work! Yay me!
The possibility of sunshine today
A certain song and dance routine ;D
IT’S THURSDAY (this means the weekend is close enough to taste)
Money back from taxes
The meat they put on the Gyros (yes it’s that good, and no I didn’t have breakfast)
Remembering to bring my phone to work
The baba ganoush at the Gyro place
Knowing I’m a nice enough person to put other people as top priorities in my life even if they haven’t thrown a fit to get there
My bent debit card is finally straightening out
Chocolate :)

Annoyances:

Being at work
Not being able to leave for seven hours
Wanting a Gyro at 8:00 in the morning
Waking up too late to take a shower :(
Yard waste bins…grrr…
Being a low priority
Oprah

Things to Keep in Mind:

The work week is almost over – chill out

Also:

Make an appointment for bang trims
Get gas

Roman Hearts, Giggles, Loves and Lingerie

2009-04-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

In my weekly email from Whitney, I received specific instructions to (apparently) lead a more exciting life than I do.

Thank you for your love and support and I just love you so much. Have a fantastic week and will you please 'tap that' so I can send you Italian wedding lingerie?!?!! But no thongs because those are trashy. Ok, love you, bye.

Hearts and Giggles with a wee bit of mischief,

Sorella Whitney L. Nelson

If only she’d inform me who to “tap”.

?????